We share eyes and a body type, though you might not notice right away because I’m always wearing heels and she never is.
We never shared makeup, as she never wears it. The drama of boys and middle school and high school clique power wars were lost on her.
I forged her signature on a tanning salon permission slip before prom because I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t let my fair-skinned, freckled self recline in a sweaty bed of potentially cancer-causing rays.
There were so many days I rolled my eyes at our differences–and now that I have a daughter I know she must have mentally thrown up her hands in frustration at the exact same things I do.
Yet she never told me I was piling too many books into my check-out pile at the library. Instead of telling me to turn out my light and go to sleep, to finish my book in the morning, she bought me a little light that clipped to my headboard so I could lose myself in the comfort of stories and my favorite pillow.
She drove with me to a bridal salon in the middle of a blizzard because I desperately wanted to go to a particular trunk show. I bought my dress that day, without showing any of my fashion-conscious friends. Her eyes filled with tears as I spun in my favorite dress and I trusted her honest opinion more than any influenced by trends.
I see more than my eyes when I look at her now, and it’s not always a flattering mirror.
On good days it makes me laugh that we’re both impatient and seem to have passed the trait down to my own children.
On bad days it’s infuriating. I left her house in heated tears one afternoon, more angry about my perception of her dismissing my opinion than our actual difference of opinion. Later my husband levelly stared across the table and called me out on my identical stubborn nature.
She’ll certainly make me cry again, as it sometimes seems that I inherited all of her tear ducts at birth; I cry at everything and she rarely does.
Still, I wrap my arms around other similarities: our fierce devotion to family, the way we slide into a pile of sugary mush with a baby in our arms, an unwavering belief in the power of ice cream.
I will never be the perfect daughter, but I know her door will always be open to let me try again.
And if not, I still have the key. And the garage door code.
xo
Angela
I love this and I can so relate! It is so often our similarities that drive me the nuttiest, and I’m not the best daughter either, but hell if I don’t love my mama! So grateful that she’s still around to talk to.
Also, I’ve had my hubby tell me the exact same thing. It is equal parts endearing and infuriating, isn’t it?
SleeplessinSummerville recently posted..When Your Healthcare Provider is No Help
Yes, sometimes it’s necessary that our husbands tell the truth…I guess
Oh Angie, I’m going to share this on my mom’s FB page, because it just goes to show that we are truly TWINS at heart you and I. I swear I seek her advice and then want her to be quiet and let me make the decision…all the while knowing that she matters, her opinion matters to me , maybe more than it should. I see her when I look in the mirror and most days I think her reflection is better, prettier, more put together. But oh the only person I wanted with me buying my wedding dress, at the gender u/s for the boys, in the OR when they were born (besides John of course) was her. I am a firm believer in the thought that we as children are ONE HALF of one of our parents ,..and while my sister and brother were the other half of my dad, I am the other half of my mom….in all the ways tht matter.
I LOVED THIS. Plus …what a GORGEOUS bride you were. Can’t wait to share a bag of chips and look at your wedding pictures my friend. xo
Kir recently posted..Proud Mommy Moments: Gigi of Kludgy Mom is Chatting in the Corner Today
I hope she likes it!
And of course we will share chips
I am like you in that my mom and Ryan are the only people I want at certain things. Sometimes I think I need to cut the apron strings, and sometimes I love it. I think your theory about kids and their parents is interesting. I do know that even with my kids, they fill a different “space” if that makes sense.
Oh, Angela, this really touched me. You just described my mother and me to a T. The title of this post really does say it all – we’re all at once each other’s best friends and worst enemies. Loved this.
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..We Were So Stupid
It’s funny, because my mom isn’t volatile, and I didn’t share this post on FB because I don’t want her to take it the wrong way. If she reads it, that’s fine, but I’m not going to put it out there for her specifically. At the end of the day, I know she has my back, always, but sometimes we clash over the silliest things.
We do become our parents but hopefully improved versions.
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That’s really a lovely way to think about it!
Gorgeous.
I find it so hard to put into words how much I love my mother and how much she can frustrate me. But I love her for that reason too
You nailed it.
Leighann recently posted..There’s a Reason
Thanks Leighann! It’s funny when both of those things are just true. The immense love and also the immense ability they have to make us crazy
Love, love, love.
Kassie recently posted..Randoms
Thank you so much
Great, great, great post. Super powerful. Will your mom read this? I don’t know if my Mom read something like this, what she would think. Hence, why I don’t often write about my mother!
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..Things They Can’t Say – I’m So There Today
I don’t think she’s going to read it. I’m not hiding it necessarily, but I don’t know if she would take it the right way. Things with parents are so touchy.
angela recently posted..Choosing Joy
Haaaahahaha lol “I will never be the perfect daughter, but I know her door will always be open to let me try again. And if not, I still have the key. And the garage door code.” LOL
Love this.
Tomekha recently posted..Resting Place
It’s so true! I love that it will always feel like my home, even if they move somewhere else.
angela recently posted..Choosing Joy
This is beautiful! It is a great reminder that we are all different people – especially in families!
Paula@Simply Sandwich recently posted..The Dinner Lifesaver
Families are so interesting, aren’t they? We are raised in the same environment, but people come out so differently.
angela recently posted..Choosing Joy
This kinda reminds me of me and my Mom. And I’m sure many others can relate too. The mother/daughter relationship is complicated at times. I’m interested to see as mine and K’s develops.
Thanks for this.
Me too, Elaine! I know there are going to be so many ups and downs with Abbey, but I really hope all of our struggles make us the type of mother and daughter that become friends
angela recently posted..Choosing Joy
Just came across this looking for something else- it is very lovely.
It makes me cry because I’m a mother of five girls who have mostly grown and while I see a similarity with your writing of how they are with me it also reminds me of being a daughter myself and some of the differences of opinion I had with my own mother.
I used to get a bit short tempered with my mother even though I loved her dearly. Now I would give anything to have a bit more time with her- she died when I was in my early thirties. So I guess I’m saying make the most of having living parents and love them while you can.