I’m seven weeks away from my due date. Seven weeks away from having a second child. (Well, 6 1/2 if we’re counting, which I am.)
During my last pregnancy I did what many about-to-be-new moms do and bought parenting books. Actually, I bought mostly pregnancy books and then realized that was really just the first – and certainly not the hardest – part of my journey. So I skimmed the baby books and fantasized about nursing and milestones and cuddling a sleeping baby.
And then Connor was born. And I started reading those baby books in much more detail.
Why is he not sleeping?
Is it normal to nurse this often and this long?
I think he’s bored. I bet Dr. Sears has ideas for how to entertain him…
It was exhausting (and not just because he wasn’t sleeping).
I was also involved at the time in forums that were full of new moms. There I could peruse thread after thread of questions and advice and compare their situations to mine and analyze every little thing to the minutest detail.
Image source: drsearsfamilyessentials.com
It didn’t help.
I didn’t realize it at the time, because those books and forums seemed like a lifeline to a first-time mom at home on mat leave for a year. And some of the advice was helpful. But for someone like me with a tendency to over think things and not trust my instincts, the perspectives of others were actually a barrier to figuring out how to be a mom.
This is what I now know:
- Every baby is different and you need to figure out how to soothe/feed/whatever your baby without worrying too much about what others are doing.
- Whatever you’re experiencing is probably normal, so just take a deep breath.
- Baby books are full of advice about what is typical. Most babies aren’t typical. Normal, yes. Typical, no. If you expect your baby to be like the books you’re going to drive yourself crazy.
- Some babies just don’t sleep. Accept it and you’ll be much less frustrated. But for the love of God, figure out how to get some sleep yourself. (Confession: I’m still working on this one.)
- Being a mom is hard, and some parts of having a baby are REALLY hard.
- It’s OK to ask for help.
So when the time comes again seven weeks from now (or six – I’d be okay with six) this is the advice I plan to follow. My own. And for the most part I’m planning to leave the parenting books on the shelf where they belong.
xo
Robin
[...] soon. PPS I also have a post up at Just.Be.Enough about how I’ve banned parenting books. Can you relate? Share with Stumblers Tell a friendPin ItShare this:StumbleUponTwitterFacebookEmailFiled Under: [...]
My wife has the same view about baby-books as you. In fact, she did not even get one when we had our first baby. She strongly thinks that parenting for every child differs and it is something that should happen naturally.
Dawn Hadwick recently posted..Max Workouts Review
I have some parenting books and some sleep books, and I’ve gotten some information I like from each of them and information I think is kooky. The mash-up of things I practice is probably contradictory and would make parenting experts cringe (McDonalds? No!!! A stack of Turkey Pepperoni at lunch? Sure!) but it’s working for us, as much as I expect anything else would “work”.
Except sleep. Oh please let these children of mine sleep more than a couple hours at a time one day…
angela recently posted..A Rose is a Rose is an Abbey Rose
I can’t believe you’re this close! I was (sort of still am) a resource book freak. BUT I am much better than I was when my first was born. Because I read them now and take them at face value instead of doubting myself terribly like I used to. If I find something that works from a book, great! If I find something in a book that I think is silly, or totally inapplicable to my child, IGNORE! It’s been liberating. Glad you’ll be able to leave the books aside this time around.
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..Hanging on for Dear Life
Holy moly you’re close! Hurray! Can’t wait to hear all about the new little guy.
Quite frankly I think parenting books are a load of bull honky. They tell you with the most sincere conviction that you should parent your child a particular way. But when that method doesn’t work for your child, you (well…I) assume that it’s because I’VE done something wrong. The best thing I learned through my PPD counseling was to trust my voice as a mother and a woman. It’s not perfect by any means. But it’s better. I’m stronger and more confident in my decisions and actions. I don’t hold myself to some distant author, expert or doctor’s opinion or standard of baby care and rearing. As long as it works for the three humans in my home….it’s fine with me.
And even though I’m light years away from having a second child, I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for the fact that Baby #2 will be radically different from my little girl. I could definitely see myself comparing the two and driving myself absolutely batty…..again.
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