I always saw myself having a daughter, but it seems that is not to be. I’m now pregnant with our second child, and it appears this one is a boy just like his big brother.
I didn’t see it coming. Not at all. I wrote a post on my blog about my feelings after finding out it’s a boy and, yes, I was disappointed. Which is a horrible way to feel when preparing to welcome a much-wanted child.
But the interesting thing is how I’ve come to feel since. I’m looking forward to a lot of the things about having another boy (while ignoring the to-die-for cuteness of baby girl clothes). The feeling of disappointment isn’t so strong now, but I’m still having a hard time picturing myself as a mom of two boys.
Apparently I’m not the only one, because my son is still referring to the baby as “she.” He was convinced it was a girl, and while he now refers to this baby as his brother, he still says “she” and for some reason I don’t correct him.
I’ve been having weird pregnancy dreams, but in my dreams this baby is actually his brother. It’s as though I can’t picture another baby boy who isn’t Connor.
I’m not dreaming about a girl, though, and the girl names have all but stopped running through my head.
This baby, who is getting more and more active every day, has gone from being occasionally referred to as Peanut to consistently being called Hector. (Long story about my husband’s dubious boy-name list last time.) I think of that nickname with fondness, in the same way Connor was very much The Bean before he was born. This one is certainly not going to be called Hector, of course, but in some ways I do think that nickname is helping me bond with him.
I know from my experience with Connor that as soon as this child is born I won’t look back. Whoever he turns out to be, I can’t wait to meet him. And I know that the minute I do all visions of anyone else will fade away and he will be mine.
And anyway, who wouldn’t want more of this?