I want her to always feel strong enough to carry two buckets.
After a day of impatience and hurt feelings, I curl up with my kids and read our bedtime story. Their heads lean into mine, small fingers curling near my neck. Goodnight sighs and hugs remind me that tomorrow will be better, that motherhood is filled with good and bad days.
When I struggle with words, trying to wrestle them from my head onto the screen, I switch tactics. I write something else. I scribble in a notebook. I copy edit and table my thoughts until later. Eventually the jumble of yarn unweaves, twisting into an intricate spiderweb shining in the sun.
My friends and I spend too much time apart. Yet as we linger over dinner, keeping our waitress waiting far too long, I remember how quickly those moments apart can be erased with listening eyes and shared laughter.
Each of those facets of my life can grow dull at times, but I have the tools to polish them, to lift myself out of feelings of inadequacy.
My relationship with my body is different.
I see the flaws each day, and my focus rests on them, picking at them, obsessing.
There are fleeting moments when I can force my mind to embrace the strength it takes to complete a half marathon, when I can force my eyes to see the progress I’m making in the gym, when I can celebrate my choice of red grapefruit over tortilla chips because of the nutritional value and not the calorie content.
Those moments are brief and infrequent.
Yet I consciously work at it each day, knowing my relationship with my body is influencing how my daughter feels about hers. I know she hears me talk about the benefits of healthy eating and sees me leave for runs, but I also know she is perceptive and intuitive, and I worry about the things I show her when I look critically into the mirror or change my clothes three times for an elusive date night.
I worry when we’re playing before bedtime, the Superbowl on in the background, and I see her head swivel to see Jillian Michaels applying body paint to a thin, toned, tan, naked woman.
Logically, I understand advertising is about titillation.
Logically, I’m aware of Go Daddy’s particular advertising format, hiring an accomplished woman to consciously objectify herself and drive viewers to their website to see an “unrated” version of the ad.
Logically, I know watching television opens our home to the messages pouring out by anyone willing to buy commercial airspace.
Am I acutely sensitive because of my personal body image issues? Does it twist in my gut because of my daughter’s growing awareness of the images around her? Am I loathe to think of my toddler son measuring women against a human mannequin?
Yes.
But I’m saddened and angry and confused when I see that ad.
I have used Jillian Michaels’s workout videos, propelled by her matter-of-fact attitude about what our bodies are capable of doing, encouraged by her obvious physical fitness, motivated by her own personal weight-loss journey.
Reconciling her positive message with the ad I watched the other night just isn’t happening; no matter how I try to twist it into an empowerment message, I just can’t seem to do it.
I understand Jillian Michaels doesn’t owe me a message of empowerment; she isn’t responsible for cushioning my body issues.
But part of this journey to be enough means discovering and questioning what keeps us, as women, from feeling powerful and beautiful, so we can challenge and overcome both the external and internal obstacles to accept and celebrate ourselves.
What do you think?
xo
Angela
I’m similarly torn. It is an issue with a lot of sports – that women are only there as ‘window dressing’ rather than participating. I tend to draw attention to the context in which they are there. I find a lot guys watching don’t notice how they, as viewers, are being manipulated. Once you point it out it can be an eye-opening conversation for everyone.
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I think another question that arises is the idea that guys don’t realize they’re being manipulated. I think that implies they’re naive to the issue, and while some of them are, I think there’s an undercurrent of something else there.
Great, thought provoking post, Angela. I love how you raise the question of feeling enough when we are constantly bombarded with overt and covert messages of not being enough.
It’s one of the reasons this site is so great – to help us remind each other. But sometimes it’s harder than others.
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Yes, there are times it’s much harder. I think keeping the dialogue open about it is one of the most helpful and important things we can do.
Wonderful post, Angela. It is always disappointing when someone we admire walks down a path that makes us uncomfortable or goes against our moral values. Too often, these strong and capable female athletes are given to us as window dressing, with skimpy clothes and provocative poses, rather than the strong and powerful images that the male athletes portray. I wish times were changing, but there seems to be an every growing backlash.
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I understand the desire for female athletes to make a stand for being strong AND sexy, to take control of that image of sexiness. I just don’t know if it’s being done in the right way; it feels manipulative and subversive, and I think there’s something missing between their intentions and what’s actually being “sold” for public consumption.
well does it help that I can’t stand Jillian Michaels?
I didn’t see that commercial, but I know that if I had it would have bothered me. I do not exercise or work out (most days I can’t..it hurts too much) and I don’t always like the way I look…BUT I do let the boys see me dress up, put makeup on, take the time to do my hair etc…and I try to avoid looking messy (unless it’s Sat morning and then all bets are off). But I don’t know what media is going to tell my sons about being a woman. I can only hope that what we say in our house, how their daddy tells me that I am pretty and talented, sticks in their litle brains.
I don’t like TV or movies or social media that exploits women for any reason…because I am a woman and I’m proud of that. I was watching Adele the other night on 60 minutes and she was saying that even if she lost weight etc, she would never walk around with her “T***Ts” hanging out because what kind of message does that send? Even Jennifer Hudson, who has lost weight and taken care of herself, doesn’t exploit it with trashy clothes etc…to be honest this whole thing has made my ick factor for Jillian go up even more.
I am just sorry that she is making you doubt yourself of your commitment to her…that to me is the real problem here, as a spokeswoman for all of us as females, she’s doing a disservice to her gender and that makes me angry and sad.
it was a great post..and is giving me a lot to think about.
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Of course it helps
It’s not even that I felt a strong connection to her as a role model or anything like that. I just feel like there’s some element of selling out going on; I don’t even know if I’m aritculating what I want to say!
Your boys are lucky; they see a beautiful, capable woman when they look at you, and you will be their standard of beauty. I just wish there wasn’t such a disconnect between what the media sells and what is real in our homes. I get that it’s a double problem and that it turns on itself. The media can do it because of how so many women have an issue with their own images, and so many women have an issue because of what the media does. Sigh
I agree with you, Angela. We’re constantly bombarded by external influences that challenge the way we perceive ourselves. Realizing that we are ‘enough’ is not a one-time thing. It’s something we must exercise regularly, because all around us, ads such as the ones you mentioned are the norm rather than an exception.
I believe that one way we can have a healthy body image of ourselves (and raise our children with awareness) is by learning how our bodies function and gaining an understanding of what ‘healthy’ means. If we start from there, hopefully women would be able to find a better balance between ‘beauty’ and ‘health,’ which unfortunately don’t always go hand-in-hand.
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