It is time. To let go. To shed. To unattach the labels that have affixed themselves to our persona, to our body, to our family. It is time to dispel the myths of who we are just because of the labels.
I have to admit, I think that I had a harder time with the question of “What is Your Label” than the question of “Things I Like About Me.” Narrowing it down to one thing…one label, and dealing with the baggage that comes with said label is not easy.
The conversation that I want to change for myself and those around me is all about numbers. But not the numbers that you might expect.
I have been engaged three times. Ordered three wedding dresses. Three sets of invitations. Three sets of wedding favors.
Those numbers lead to the next set of data points. One failed engagement. One failed marriage. One custody agreement. One child who splits her time between two houses. A second marriage.
Despite the fact that my second marriage is still in one piece (mainly due to my husband being a saint), I still see the looks on people’s faces when I mention my past. The eyebrows that curl when I speak of my first fiancé. The questions that linger in someone’s eye when I mention having left my first husband. The pity I see in the expressions as I tell of being left by my first fiancé because I had cancer, or how my daughter lives between two houses.
But I am much more than a divorcée. I am much more than a woman who in her lifetime has been proposed to three times. I am much more than the woman who returned one never-used wedding dress, and wore two others.
card by Hallmark You Will Emerge Stronger
My numbers do not tell of the learning that happened with each relationship good and bad. The amount of self reflection that took place with each failure. The amount of self confidence that dipped and then eventually was found anew when the time was right.
My numbers do not tell of the love I am trying to model for my daughter. The environment that her dad and I have tried to create so that she still feels like both of her parents are partners despite the divorce papers that say otherwise. They do not tell of the effort that it takes to co-parent with a husband and an ex-husband for the good of a child.
I would not wish a failed engagement on anyone. Or a divorce. But instead of bemoaning my past, I choose to cherish it. Because each of those failed attempts at love made me who I am today. They made me the wife I hope I can be. They made me the mom I strive to be.
Not perfect. Not a failure. Not a woman who cannot seem to make love work.
I am living my life, like a pebble that has been tossed by the wind, weathered by the rain and snow, and warmed by the heat of the sun.
What about you? What label are you trying to shed?
**We are keeping this link-up open until Friday, April 27th.**
We hope that you will participate in this very special Be Enough Me prompt to Change the Conversation by sharing what label you are trying to shed.
As an added bonus, we are excited to be partnering with Hallmark this week to celebrate as we shed our labels and refocus the attention on what is truly important. Us. Hallmark will be giving one lucky linker a Hallmark Crown Store gift card to be used to continue sharing ourselves, our love, our friendship, or even to get one lucky linker started on a card shower for someone they love.
To enter to win: Link up your Change the Conversation post by Friday, April 27th at 11:59 pm ET. A winner will be chosen using random.org. The winner will be notified by email by Sunday, April 29th and will have 24 hours to respond or another winner will be chosen. (Giveaway only open to US residents.)
xo
Elena
It is time to look past the obvious for ourselves and our families.
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[...] enter to win: Link up your Change the Conversation post by Friday, April 27th at 11:59 pm ET. A winner will be chosen using random.org. The winner will [...]
The label I gave up was perfectly healthy. I have admitted that I have issues with anxiety, mild depression and ADHD and I am doing something about that. Maybe I am trading one label for another, but I am choosing to grow and be healthier so I call that a fair exchange.
Corey Feldman recently posted..Egret and the Starry Night
My brother’s wife didn’t admit until very close to their wedding that she had been married before. She and my brother are very young, but she had married her first husband straight out of high school. It was a HUGE mistake. He ended up in jail, the marriage over after just a year, yadda yadda.
Anyway, she cried when she told my family because she thought we would judge her and not want to help with financing the wedding anymore.
She put that label on her.
We ripped it off.
She is my brother’s WIFE. She is the AUNT to my sons. She is my new SISTER.
And she is beautiful.
Katie recently posted..invisible labels
Personally I think it’s ridiculous for people to judge you, or anyone else, for things that were in all likelihood out of or beyond your control. We can’t always be held responsible for the things that happen in our lives, especially not when other parties are involved. To judge you for those events is to assume that you wanted your life to take that particular direction, that you planned it and manipulated it to happen. Which is pretty much ludicrous. Idiots!
idiosyncratic eye recently posted..I am a Pickle Jar
You are more than that. So much more. I’m glad you’re ripping the label off!
Natalie @MamaTrack recently posted..The Roar of Silence
Thank you…so much. It felt good to finally but rip the label off.
I think that so many times we give OURSELVES those labels don’t we? It’s one thing to know people use them for us, but it’s another to put them on and wear them,. Elena, you are so much more than those labels and this space is PROOF of that. Somewhere along the way you found out that your life , when it’s added up or written about, will be ENOUGH and the mistakes you think you made are NOTHINGS, they are just roads on your journey.
At this page in my life, I am convinced that the mistakes were the best lessons. I’m so glad you know that you are much more than a LABEL that doesn’t do you justice at all. xo
Kir recently posted..Just Be Enough: CUTE
Glad that you find your way out of that label. Don’t let people brag about your story that doesn’t know you at all. Stay happy!
Debbie White recently posted..4 Chic Ways to Celebrate Earth Day
I love that you chose these labels to address. There’s so much judgment about stuff like that for no reason that I can understand. And you wouldn’t be who you are without those situations, right?
Robin Farr recently posted..In the Softening Light
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I think you are one great lady, Elena! So brave the way you put yourself out there, not apologizing for your past because you know you are enough. Yay you!
Just Jennifer recently posted..Labeled
I love your story. Thank you for sharing it!
Mamarific recently posted..Labels are for Sippy Cups, Not People
I loved that you wrote “instead of bemoaning my past, I am cherishing it”. Without our past experiences we would not be who we are today.
Jenny recently posted..What’s in a Label?
Thank you for sharing your story. We are all so much more than our numbers and labels.
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Change the Conversation – Kook
My sister has been married three times. Her current marriage is the love I think she was always supposed to find, and the man she deserves. I know some of these same things are hard for her. Your post was so heartfelt, and I can feel the struggle you have had with this in your writing.
This meme has been wonderful, because as I tried to write my own post I was frustrated to find that there were so many labels to choose from. You mentioned that too. We have so many labels! How sad is that?
The truth is no one knows who we are in one word. That’s why it’s so important to look beyond those labels! Thank you for sharing this idea and giving us the inspiration to write about it!
Adrienne recently posted..Beyond My Family’s Label
[...] Labels [...]
[...] another Be Enough Guest Post Friday. This week has been pretty amazing around Just.Be.Enough. We changed the conversation and dispelled myths. We published our very first Just.Be.Enough. Weekly (have you subscribed?). It was a great [...]
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I work with things of this nature out here in Borgata Finocchio, Italia.
Love for what you believe and in putting it into words is a true
gift. Your writing is informative, illuminating, and passion-driven, all of
which I seriously respect when dealing with this topic.
61494 recently posted..61494