This November my small writing desk was neat, awaiting the moment each evening when I would sit down to race my way to 1600 words. I even kept the espresso surface sleek and cleared during the day, on the off chance that I could grab 15 minutes to pour out the scenes threatening to crowd out shopping lists and cleaning schedules from my brain.
If you’re unfamiliar with National Novel Writing Month, it’s a whirlwind month of spewing 50,000 words onto the screen in an attempt to get a large portion of a novel completed in a 30-day sprint.
Today, papers and calendars, diapers and hand sanitizer, a makeup bag, and a buried laptop clutter the surface. When I finally sit down to write at night, I often drag my power cord to the couch, curling my legs under me to write with part of my brain occupying the sporadic conversations I have with Ryan as he works late into the night on the other side of the room.
December was to be my month of letting the novel marinate. I made notes of plot points or things I wanted to change, but for the most part I left my characters alone, closed in their file on my computer.
Developing a writing schedule for this year meant January was to be finish-the-book month, with February to begin the exhilarating and frustrating task of editing the mish-mash into a workable draft.
Yet my desk remains cluttered, along with my motivation. I sit down to write, and instead of moving the book forward I dissect and rearrange and pull apart a scene I’ve worked on once or twice or four times before. I’ve written less than 5,000 words so far this month, far behind my goals and far from where I need to be to finish this book.
Snuggled into the arm of the couch, my eyes dart to my desk, spilling over with remnants of different projects, parenting and writing colliding in a mess that makes it impossible for me to sit at my desk tonight. My novel sits open on the screen, along with Twitter, Skype, and my blog dashboard.
Clearing the surface of the desk won’t take much time. Clearing the clutter in my mind is more difficult and seems too daunting a task for 11:30 p.m. Sighing, I close my novel file, putting together a blog post instead.
For tonight, that will have to be enough.
xo
Angela
I am right there with you. I finished my 1st draft in November, and stuck it a drawer to rot or bloom through December. ‘Life’ has been rather complicated these last few weeks, when I was supposed to start editing and rewriting. So much to do, so many balls in the air at once… You can do it. We can do it.
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We can do it. You’re right
I think the effort to do it is the catalyst, and hopefully the timeline doesn’t matter so much.
Oh, I get it, Angela! I knew January was going to be rough to get back into it. But February was going to be MY month to start back. And I already feel that slipping away with “other” things to do. I get it.
But you are right – you’re still writing and that IS enough for now.
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Without the shadow of Nano hanging over me, it slides to the bottom of my priority list. It almost feels like a luxury to write that, when I have so many other things to do. I just need to figure out how to make it work, even if it means devoting one day a week to it until it’s finished.
Oh yes… I SO know the feeling! Especially after the holidays and then trying to catch up at the beginning of the new year… I always feel like I need at least a few dozen jumpstarts!
What’s important though is that you didn’t give up. That slow as it may be, you continue to write instead of stopping completely. Your perseverance will pull you through. I truly believe that, Angela!
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Thank you so much Sweaty! I hope so; I really do!
Yes, the beginning of the year holds all sorts of promises but all sorts of stressors, too!
Baby steps … and the mind is just a neverending chasm to unclutter … go slowly
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Will my mind ever be uncluttered? For some reason I think, “nope!”
Hopefully all of my baby steps get me somewhere…someday.
Yep. I know this feeling. And if yo’ve added 5,000 words to your NaNo, thats 5000 more than I have. I keep tellling myself to jump back in, but life keeps gettiing in the way.
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It feels like an indulgence to fall back into my novel world most days, like there’s a billion other things I SHOULD be doing!
I love this post. We do so much already: as women, as wives, as moms, that when it gets to the point where we’d like to approach doing something for ourselves–we’re exhausted! What I’ve learned is that there’s really no “due date” on our goals and dreams, and while we should always take little baby steps to get there, sometimes it’s more fruitful to be “still.” Good for our hearts, our souls, and our minds. So pull your feet up and under you to relax when you need too, and don’t feel the least little amount of guilt for it!
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That’s an important point. There’s NOT a due date on what I’m doing. When it stops being joyful and starts to become a serious chore, that’s when I know I have to step back a little.
I’m in the same boat…and you KNOW it. I am just riding this wave of “ho hum” out and hoping that the ideas, (thank goodness, I wrote them down) and the creativity comes back soon.
I think it’s the deadlines of our lives that make me shut down even more, I hate being told “when, how, why” and so right now I am figuring that out and getting ready for the SPARK.
I know your SPARK is bright and getting ready to light up the world my friend. xo
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We’ll get it together, right? I am hoping that Blissdom does something to help re-ignite the brightly burning spark that seems to have dwindled into a bit of a smolder
Angela, I’m in awe that you’re writing at all, never mind that you started it during NaNoWriMo. That takes a lot of time and brain power and moms don’t often get as much of that as they need. I love that it’s still percolating though. It’s going to be awesome.
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Great post. Give yourself time and some slack. We all have so much on our plates, and we demand so much of ourselves. The devil on my shoulder is a little perfectionist, as well, without an angel counterpart. She continually chastises me for not doing more, doing better. So every now and then I have to punch her in the face.
Sound like tonight, you did the same.
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