My tween and I are starting to clash.
Why can’t the mother/daughter relationship be like this forever? I carry her on my back and she rides along, content and happy?
She’s getting closer to those all-important teen years where her need to assert her independence will outweigh her need for…me.
Sigh.
But the other issue is that we’re just not listening to each other. The moment I open my mouth to say practically anything, she’s interrupting me to show me how much she “already knows, Mom,” about whatever issue we’re talking about. Even something as simple as what time dinner’s going to be ready.
The moment she starts interrupting me, I see RED. Or if there’s a color even angrier than red, that’s what I’m seeing.
Because I hate to be interrupted.
And when she interrupts me to show me how much she knows, my need to show her how much I know rises up. Almost like bile. Because I hate my need to do this. But I hate to be interrupted more.
I think (I think - I can’t be sure), that if she stopped interrupting me, our interactions would be much better.
But this area is exactly where one of my three words for the year is so important.
Deliberate.
I need to be deliberate with my approach to her. I need to deliberate before I jump in and shut her down every time she interrupts me to share her supreme knowledge.
This is a time where she still wants to talk to me. And that’s huge, because it will change. If I start the pattern of not listening to her now, then she’s just going to be all the more likely to listen less when she hits those teen years.
I know this.
Being deliberate is really important to me. And her. Us.
But Lordy, can the girl stop interrupting me? I think we’re going to have to find a happy medium in there somewhere.
Any advice on that? What strategies do you have for how to talk to a tween?
xo
Missy
I am going to watch this comment section like a hawk. I’ve been having this exact issue with my tween, and could use advice on finding the happy medium.
Tracie recently posted..That Is Not How Goodreads Works
I know that happy medium can be so hard sometimes!
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..The Bigger the Better – Is that Always the Case?
Girl, my daughter is turning 11 in a couple weeks and I FEEL YOUR PAIN! Things are getting better, though. I started paying attention to our interactions to determine how I respond to HER, and you know what? She was a mini-me. I interrupted her more than I realized…
I have been trying to catch myself now, and there has been a huge improvement. She sees now that I respect her enough to let her finish her thought, therefore she respects me enough to let me finish mine.
Children are natural mimics, despite our best attempts to prevent it.
There – my 2 cents. Good luck!
Kirsten @One Tough Mother recently posted..Introducing Kendra from Kreative Creationz
I think you may have a point. When she’s interrupting me, I interrupt her and all of a sudden all we’re doing is trying to overtalk each other! And then neither is listening.
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..The Bigger the Better – Is that Always the Case?
My kids are young, but I did teach middle school for a little while. Just think as much as you hate being interrupted, she is still at the stage where it may be very difficult for her to not interrupt. It’s a skill I am still trying to perfect well past my tween years.
Corey Feldman recently posted..Happy Birthday Elijah
Thanks for the reminder, Corey. Sometimes it really is easy to forget that their brains are not fully developed!
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..The Bigger the Better – Is that Always the Case?
What a great post! And I think your word will come in handy for me this yer! xo Ilene
Ilene recently posted..This Ain’t My First Rodeo
I see this in my future… :/
Robin recently posted..Wrap-Up: 30 Days of Exercise
Boys do this too, just with a louder voice. I’ve learned to just stop and listen (and try to stay calm). Otherwise, things escalate and eye rolling ensues. If I listen and they feel validated, often they will then listen to my interrupted thought. Impulsivity is a sign of their underdeveloped brains. It still sucks though, especially for us type-A people! And I think we delude ourselves to expect equal validation in return from tweens, that will come later with maturity.
You know what? I did this just this afternoon (after sending her to her room so that she and I could cool off). And you are exactly right – it worked great. Thanks!
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..The Bigger the Better – Is that Always the Case?
If you get any ideas, I am ALL ears! My son is almost 11 and I was not prepared for the teenagery things to start popping up so soon!
Victoria KP recently posted..Karen: Silent Prayer
Those tween and early teen years with my daughter were so trying. It was like living with a Body Snatcher. But, by the time she was a junior or senior in high school (I know that seems like a long way off) we were okay. We just had to be patient with each other.
Tara R. recently posted..One lump or two
It’s so hard. I have a 13 year old and an 11 almost 12 year old. Some days are great and some days are not. Whenever my daughter walks off while I am talking and I drag her back, she likes to say, “I already know what you are going to say.” I kindly tell her she doesn’t know and proceed to tell her what I was going to say, which is often met with an “Oh. I didn’t know you were going to say THAT.” Sigh.
I think it just takes a lot of patience. My key thing is not letting them engage me in an argument. They are sneaky little devils though and I just have to end it when I discover what they have done. I’m still trying to figure the whole thing out. One day at a time, right?
I let go of the “interrupting rage” a while back. When I start a critique/suggestion/concern, and Thing One interrupts, I let him. Not because I want to encourage bad manners. But I want him to put all his cards on the table (which he invariably will), and then I know what I have to work with as a parent!
Then, when I begin to speak again, if he interrupts, I remind him that I listened to his side. It’s his turn.
Kimberly Rues recently posted..Memories Captured: Second Chances
OH, and remember this: the tween/teen stage is necessary for us to be ready for them to leave our nest. I truly believe that.
Kimberly Rues recently posted..Memories Captured: Second Chances
I’m there with you, only my daughter and I are doing better at the listen to me, I listen to you game then I am with my 15 yr old. The difference is, unless he is in the mood to listen, he will constantly interrupt, even after I give him space to talk, and if I contradict what he said, or correct him, he interrupts before I can finish the sentence and I have to tell him I’m not going to be yelled at and I’m not listening til he calms down at which point he yells some more (usually with cuss words) and stomps off to sulk. He’s having a hard time with the rules because he won’t shut up long enough to listen to them, LOL. (Hes having the same issue at school, so at least I know its not just me.)
SAM recently posted..The Elven Games 10
we are in the emotional / hormone change stage with my 9 1/2 year old but i already see where we might be headed.
This is great Missy: “This is a time where she still wants to talk to me. And that’s huge, because it will change. If I start the pattern of not listening to her now, then she’s just going to be all the more likely to listen less when she hits those teen years.”
Deb @ Home life simplified recently posted..Ask the next question to clear more than clutter