The power of our Friday guest posts is in the diversity of stories and perspectives that we are able to share. This week is no exception. I met Josh Becker two years ago, in Asheville, North Carolina during the Type A Parent conference. Josh and I were on the same Ubisoft Dance Team, dressed in neon, hoping to Just Dance our way to the top of the leader board. Today, Josh is here to share his own journey to a new voice…one that I am sure will inspire many of us.
My life has changed pretty significantly since first being introduced to Elena both virtually and then subsequently in person. It’s with that appreciation that I’m humbled to have been asked to contribute to this site.
So what’s this change I speak of and where has it landed me?
I dreamed of having children all of my life. This made our 4-year struggle with infertility that much more painful. My wife and I were told that even with IVF our chances of ever having children would be less than 10%. What followed was nothing short of a miracle…two precious babies.
Following the birth of our children I began sharing my new found life as a parent online. I formed a community of dads online along with my personal blog, www.DadStreet.com. Although I never thought of myself as a writer, I realized a hidden passion that spun into something much bigger than I planned. The attention around my online presence grew and I found myself surrounded with amazing opportunities. There were paid blogging trips, interviews with celebrities, a radio show, paid tweets/posts, speaking opportunities and more. From the outside looking in life probably seemed great to most. After all, I was realizing many of the attributes that we’re raised to believe are in alignment with someone who’s successful.
The funny thing about self-esteem is that someone with very little of it can still function and in many situations portray to the outside world that life is grand. There is at least partial truth to this statement as it related to my new found “success” in blogging. However, successful I may have appeared to “others,” deep-down inside I was dying. Eventually, that internal death felt by that hole in my heart – my soul – would come to light. My relationship with my wife was going downhill and fast. I was at risk for losing my job. I was spiraling out of control and literally about to lose everything important in my life.
I began seeing a Therapist and it didn’t take long to realize I was a classic co-dependent. My sense of self-worth and value was almost completely attached to things outside of myself. The problem was I knew the co-dependency was there as a result of that hole in my heart. I just didn’t know why I had that hole there and how to fill it up – on my own.
I was introduced to a local community called, Breakthrough for Men. I would spend nearly 1,200 hours over that year learning how that hole was formed and how to slowly close it up. Through re-parenting exercises that included going back to my “adaptive child” (that inner child that lives in many of us) and facing my childhood traumas I began to free myself from my ego-centric life. Eventually that fog of false belief (I’m not good enough, I’m not lovable, I’m not important) would begin to lift and I began seeing the world through the glasses of my inherent nature. I began to accept that I was good enough, that I was lovable, and that I was important.
We see the world as a reflection of how we see ourselves. I began seeing everything and everyone with new light. My relationship with my wife began to rebuild in a way I never knew possible. I became a better father, friend, and employee. Most importantly, I loved and accepted myself for the first time. It became clear what my purpose in life was and what I needed to do. I had to align myself with my intention regardless of what the outcome would look like. I had to live in alignment with my inherent nature and authentic self. So I started a new site to help others see what is true about them. I don’t know where this new path is going to take me but I know I’m on the right path.
While my journey to self-awareness will never end I feel called to help others begin and continue their journeys. I spent my whole life taking from others and living in chaos and drama. Now this new chapter in my life is filled with giving and the realization that isimply.am.