About two months ago something in my life changed. Instead of falling asleep at 8 pm or having little to no energy I found myself feeling like I did before the infertility, depression, migraines and fibromyalgia took away little pieces of me.
I was feeling like the girl who used to play 18 holes of golf, walk the mall for hours and could stay awake past 9 pm without yawning. One of the side effects of this transformation was a very quick but very welcome weight loss. In just a few weeks, my skirts fit better, my face had taken on a thinner appearance and people were stopping me in the hallways at work to compliment me.
I’d love to tell you that I’m exercising and working hard at maintaining my shape. I’d even love to pass on some words of wisdom about my diet plan, but it would be untrue and a bit selfish. I am doing nothing. Yes, I am eating less, even going to bed slightly hungry some evenings, but as far as working out or portion control goes, well, they are nonexistent.
Instead I’m writing today about how the weight loss has me feeling more like me than I have in years – my waist and legs reminding me of a sexier time, my face willing to smile for more Facebook pictures than ever before and trips to the mall anticipated as I pick up Ms instead of Ls for the first time in years.
I am also trying not to question too much about this sudden change. Maybe it was turning 42; maybe it is the fact that I have finally learned how to deal with my migraines and to not fear my fibromyalgia. Some days I wonder if it’s just the excitement of this year and all the wonderful happenings in it, like Listen to Your Mother, my fiction stories that are so much fun to write or the anticipation of meeting so many of you through conferences in the months to come. My other thoughts turn to having gotten to a good place in my parenting, meaning my children no longer need me in a way where it makes it hard to leave them , so I have been having dinner with girlfriends, enjoying some time alone and knowing that it makes me a much better mom and wife when I come home.
When pushed to describe how I feel, I often say “I feel like you do when you’re in love, where every emotion is over the top.”
I believe I am, in the best ways, falling in love with my life again.
I am thankful for the way my life is opening up right now, and while I am still not quite sure of the “why” of it all, I’ve decided not to question it, to just accept it as a wonderful way for me to get back to feeling like the girl I have always been deep down.
Do you ever feel like this? Is there any time you can point to as a place of true happiness in your life for no other reason but the good stuff in it?