I broke her heart.
There is no parenting manual to tell you what to do with a child who wants to shoot for the stars. Sometimes I am too much of a grown-up; I told my daughter it was unlikely she would make it to the Olympics. Then I wanted to go crawl in a hole as I watched tears stream down her face.
I tried to make it better by saying there are many ways to enjoy the sport of gymnastics. She just nodded and remained quiet. We talked about what it would take to get to the Olympics – what the steps were, the grueling hours, the things she would miss. I told her to think about her goals and we would talk the following day.
As I left her, I felt like I failed my daughter. Totally. Completely. There’s nothing that tells a parent how to encourage a child to dream while helping them see reality.
The next day, we sat down again and I once again asked her what her goals were in gymnastics. Do you know what she said?
“Mom, I want to go to the Olympics.”
Tenacity. I have a tenacious, determined child. I smiled and we talked about coaching and maybe finding some new coaches that would be more supportive of her dream.
And I sighed a huge sigh of relief. I didn’t completely crush my daughter’s dream. And in that moment she taught me what tenacity really is. It is staring in the face of impossibility and the faces of people telling you that you are too old and that you can’t and saying, “Watch me do it anyway.”
Tenacity is trying again and again. She may never make it to the Olympics, but it won’t be because she didn’t try.
A few days later, we were trying out a new gym and I watched as my daughter stuck a back walkover on the beam for the first time and smiled inside.
Watching her, I realized that I give up on my dreams far too easily. I become frustrated and wonder if I am too old to have any success. I tell myself that I am too old to publish my first novel and that I don’t have enough time. I am my own worst enemy. I need to learn tenacity from my 11-year-old daughter. I need to borrow from her strong-willed determination and put it to work in my own life.
As we made the difficult decision to switch her gyms and coaches I asked her if she was going to be sad to leave the gym she has been at for two years. Her reply: “A little, but I think that’s normal. But I’m super excited, Mom. This gym is much better.”
And letting nothing stand in her way, she teaches me more.
xo
Stacey
[...] come read my post at Just.Be.Enough. about my tenacious daughter and how she is teaching me that I’m not too old to [...]
Helen Hooven Santmyer’s …AND LADIES OF THE CLUB was published when she was 88. She spent more than FIFTY YEARS writing the novel. It’s very long, but an enjoyable story.
And here’s some good news for you: Ageism really isn’t a problem for novelists. Nobody asks for your age when they look at your manuscript. And how about Doris Lessing, who just won a Nobel Prize for literature? She’s 88.
I had never written stories of any kind until I was 44 and decided to try writing a romance novel. I sold that book just over a year later and I’ve been writing ever since.
I just turned 52. I tell my family and friends that the great thing about writing is that as long as I keep my mind sharp, I’ll be able to write for the rest of my life. How many careers or hobbies can you say THAT about?
Never give up!
I love this post stacey! Good reminder for me! and you should totally write your novel!!!
Elise recently posted..A Little Bit of Anthro in My Life (sung to Mambo #5)
This post gave me chills. I am SO glad your daughter came back the next day and still had her heart set on her dreams. I worry about crushing my children’s dreams, because that’s just the way my family is! No one is very supportive – whenever we want to do something, all we get for feedback is all the reasons it won’t work or it is a bad idea. I don’t want to do that to my children!
I will never forget when I was in 8th grade I dreamed of going to Space Camp. I wanted to be an astronaut so badly. I told my older sister my dream and she laughed and said “you’re not smart enough to be an astronaut. You have to be really good at math and science, and you’re not.” CRUSHED. I hadn’t actually been too bad at math and science, but from that point on, I was terrible at them both. I tanked. I always wonder if I had received any help or encouragement from anyone in my family if I would have wound up in the sciences? Oh well.
Keep cheering her on!
Alexa recently posted..Surviving the Winds of Change
What a beautiful post. It always amazes me at how much children can teach us. I love this story and I love that you are following your dreams. I promise you that you are not too old to follow your dreams! Keep it up, you are amazing!
Lori recently posted..I’m a Single Mom
I think it’s funny that when I read this one of my posts was at the bottom in the “you might also like” section. Funny because I could have written this one. From the tenacious little girl to the need to learn from her-it seems we share a brain Stacey! All I can say is that I now spend my professional life working with people to remind them it’s never too late. So, let’s keep cheering eachother on that way. Go for that book like an Eleven year old!
Cristie recently posted..Form, Mary Pope Osborne
We all need to borrow a little of that magic and determination from out children now and again.
Corey Feldman recently posted..Happy Valentines Day! Perfect day to buy my book!
If only I had that same tenacity and drive. Good for your daughter, and good for you!
Tara R. recently posted..Bay Bluff
I think she could teach us all, about reaching for those dreams and better…BELIEVING IN THEM. BELIEVING In OURSELVES.
I am struck with how determined she is and honestly, expect to see her dreams come true.
this post was chill worthy, a good MOM chill. I wonder if I’ll see Jacob on Stage someday, he of the costumes and accents and ability to memorize..and my answer is yes, I think their dreams will take them wherever they need to go.
now to work on ours, the ones we put away.
xo
Kir recently posted..Everything She Wants is Everything She Gets {Master Class, WOE, Trifecta, Scriptic}
She is really amazing. To see the positives and to KNOW what she wants is just inspiring to all of us, I think. I know that one time my mom warned me that what I wanted to do would be difficult, and I heard “difficult” as impossible. I’m so glad your girl heard it as “difficult” and said, “I’m going to do it anyway.”
angela recently posted..Finding Their Valentines
Amazing. I love her courage and tenacity. We all could stand to be quite a bit more like her.
Tricia recently posted..A moment of gratitude