Lying about My Age | Just.Be.Enough.I lie about my age. All the time. I’m not sure when it started…maybe when all my dreams didn’t come true and I realized I am perhaps a little embarrassed that I haven’t accomplished what I wanted to do. Maybe it was when I fell in love with, and married, a man who is younger than I am. When he turned 30, I finally gave in and announced that I was no longer 28 but was 30 as well.

Again.

I’m holding steady at 30 this year. As my birthday looms ahead—five months from now. Hey, I am a Virgo we plan ahead!—I find myself grappling with what this next birthday means. Oh yeah, I will be celebrating yet another anniversary of my thirtieth birthday, but when do I just take a deep breath and be my age? Own it? Or do I hold on to the lie and then feel guilty because I’m not a very good liar and I hate lying to people. Do I enjoy the surprise people express when I DO tell them my age and they say “I totally thought you were younger!” Is there an expiration date for when it stops being okay and really becomes sad that I can’t admit how old I am?

And the question that bothers me the most is why it bothers me at all! I don’t feel particularly good about where I am in my life right now and I am not quite sure why. I have a family that loves me, and I them. I have friends I treasure. I live in America and suffer terrible indignities like there is nothing on the twenty million cable channels and alert the authorities we are out of Diet Coke! I mean, really, my problems are nothing compared to what others suffer. I am still licking my wounds from having to move in with my in-laws (Thank God for them, they saved us), mourning the chance for us to be a family just the four of us while simultaneously being blessed beyond measure by them not only taking us in but by how much they love my babies.

Lying About My Age | Just.Be.Enough.

But I feel something changing. Will we be brave enough to flee the nest soon? And when I am firmly planted in my own space with my husband and my beautiful children perhaps then, then I’ll scream joyously for all to hear I am THIS MANY!!!!!!!

Maybe. And if I get there, then I am throwing one hell of a birthday party.

xo

Stephanie

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...