I lie about my age. All the time. I’m not sure when it started…maybe when all my dreams didn’t come true and I realized I am perhaps a little embarrassed that I haven’t accomplished what I wanted to do. Maybe it was when I fell in love with, and married, a man who is younger than I am. When he turned 30, I finally gave in and announced that I was no longer 28 but was 30 as well.
Again.
I’m holding steady at 30 this year. As my birthday looms ahead—five months from now. Hey, I am a Virgo we plan ahead!—I find myself grappling with what this next birthday means. Oh yeah, I will be celebrating yet another anniversary of my thirtieth birthday, but when do I just take a deep breath and be my age? Own it? Or do I hold on to the lie and then feel guilty because I’m not a very good liar and I hate lying to people. Do I enjoy the surprise people express when I DO tell them my age and they say “I totally thought you were younger!” Is there an expiration date for when it stops being okay and really becomes sad that I can’t admit how old I am?
And the question that bothers me the most is why it bothers me at all! I don’t feel particularly good about where I am in my life right now and I am not quite sure why. I have a family that loves me, and I them. I have friends I treasure. I live in America and suffer terrible indignities like there is nothing on the twenty million cable channels and alert the authorities we are out of Diet Coke! I mean, really, my problems are nothing compared to what others suffer. I am still licking my wounds from having to move in with my in-laws (Thank God for them, they saved us), mourning the chance for us to be a family just the four of us while simultaneously being blessed beyond measure by them not only taking us in but by how much they love my babies.
But I feel something changing. Will we be brave enough to flee the nest soon? And when I am firmly planted in my own space with my husband and my beautiful children perhaps then, then I’ll scream joyously for all to hear I am THIS MANY!!!!!!!
Maybe. And if I get there, then I am throwing one hell of a birthday party.
xo
Stephanie
You will rock whatever age you wear. No worries sweet friend. I too don’t know why I am not over the moon for my life and with my birthday approaching in just a week, I think it is because I want to have accomplished more. Well, all I can do is get on it, right?
If you have that party I so want to come.
Brittany {Mommy Words} recently posted..Today Show, How I Miss Thee
I definitely understand wanting to feel like you’ve accomplished more. As my age climbs higher, I find myself more reflective around my birthday instead of celebratory. I hope you get to throw your amazing party soon
You could always go the other way and add 20 years to the number, so that people are dying to know how you stay looking so young…kidding…I think.
angela recently posted..Uncoordinated
It’s funny – I didn’t think I would be able to relate because I’ve never lied about my age & didn’t think I really cared about it. Most people who moan about their age are worried about looks. But this really hit home: “maybe when all my dreams didn’t come true and I realized I am perhaps a little embarrassed that I haven’t accomplished what I wanted to do.”
I don’t know if it’s human nature to focus on what you don’t have — whether that’s a house, a stellar career, or whatever it is that makes you feel “not enough” — but I know I could certainly do a better job of focusing on what I DO have — 2 gorgeous, healthy boys, for starters.
Abby recently posted..Q&A with Writer Rebecca Schorr
Ha! I lie about my age all the time. When I was a kid I lied that I was older. I don’t feel or look my age, and most people don’t actually believe me when I tell then the real number, so I just go with 33 1/3. Seriously ask my 5 year old how old I am, and he will tell you 33 1/3. I guess I should be ashamed of myself for lying to my kid, but oh well…
Corey Feldman recently posted..In which we meet Egret’s Mom Jasmine
This last birthday was hard for me. So hard in fact, that I didn’t really enjoy celebrating. I got an amazing gift in little Elizabeth but that was the only good thing to happen in my mind. Having a younger husband and 2 little babies along with my big girl who clearly shows my age, makes it challenging. Do I own my age? No. Do I admit my age? Yes. With a lot of shame. Why I’m ashamed? Who knows.
We’ll get there Stephie… Maybe when we’re 31.
Own it! You’re rocking it, even if you can’t see it yourself.
Elaine recently posted..Connor Rides His Bike!
I never actually lie about my age. But I DID call my blog “39 For the First Time” and won’t be changing it, even when I turn 39 for the third time this year
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Victoria KP recently posted..100 Word Song: The Woman in You
I know what you mean!I am so in the same place! I don’t lie about my age but I don’t volunteer it as often as I used to. Mainly because I feel like I haven’t accomplished all that I feel I should have by this time in my life, career wise. I have that same embarrassment. I try not to stop striving and continue to go after those dreams and goals I feel I should have had by now and remember how wonderful my life is surrounded by a loving young husband (I have one of those too!) and 3 beautiful kiddos. That helps, especially in the moments I get a little depressed by my age.
Awesome post! So glad you shared this.
Melanie recently posted..Signs of Spring…
Now I want to know how old you are.
Funnily enough, my age doesn’t really bother me. I’m 37, which feels older than I ought to be. And yes, sometimes I wish I had accomplished more by this age. But it is what it is, and I’m mostly just glad I’m not in my 20s anymore.
I totally get why you’d want to keep it a secret, although I have no doubt you’ll be one of those women who looks amazing and rocks life at 90 and shouts from the rooftops how old you are so others know that age is just a number.
Robin Farr recently posted..Reset
I agree with what Abby said. My age has never been a big deal to me. I am actually looking forward to getting out of my twenties. But I completely relate to not feeling like I’ve accomplished all I could or should have in this life.
Julia recently posted..Get Over It