The story and mission behind Just.Be.Enough. is one of sharing, honesty, and commitment to celebrating who we are as individuals…full of high moments, low moments, and everything in between. The addition of the voices of many through Friday guest posts have enabled us to bond as a community, to share in each others’ joys and to hold virtual hands in times that challenge us. Today, we are honored to have a very special anonymous guest poster kicking off a series that is deeply personal, deeply emotional, and incredibly important.
There are times in life that we simply cannot even begin to describe, but this mom and woman is going to use her voice to try…well, to try describing a family situation that I cannot even begin to fathom in the hopes that her story can help someone else, somewhere.
This series will unravel over several weeks. We hope you will come back each Friday, to support and to reflect.
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As parents, our jobs are thrown to us with no training, no manual whatsoever. We leave a hospital with a little human being and are responsible for keeping them alive, happy and thriving. We are expected to provide values and rules to help guide them to make sound decisions, to become good citizens and responsible adults until they move out into the world to start a life of their own.
Without a tool to measure your parenting success, how do you know if you’ve done all you can? Have you raised happy, honest, kind individuals? Are they successful as students? How do you know that you, as a parent, have been enough?
Let’s face it: Parenting is the hardest job in the world, and sometimes that answer is not as easy as “I just know.”
I’m not sure who came up with the saying, “I brought you into this world….and I can take you out.” My guess is that it was a parent of a teenager. I’m convinced that parenting a teen should become a category worthy of earning a Nobel Peace Prize, especially when your own child trumps that quote and takes matters into their own hands.
Following this introduction to this series, I will share my story of parenting a teen who tried to self-harm (I still cannot bear to say attempt suicide) and of the rarely talked about world of cutting.
I never thought I would be in this place, ever.
Yet I am.
If you are or have been in this situation, I write this to let you know that you are not alone.
That guilt can weigh heavy on your shoulders as you question every single decision you have ever made as a parent. I’m here to say: Don’t go there.
I say this from experience and that I myself had to be convinced that I should not go to that place of indecision, but to know — really know — that I did all I could possibly do, that I am a good parent and that, deep down, my child know this.
My parenting was indeed, enough.
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Come back next week, please…to find follow this amazing mom and family on their journey.
Thank you so much for choosing Just Be Enough as a safe place to share your story. I know, already, that your words are going to offer comfort and a sense of hope to those who read.
angela recently posted..Trust Your Eyes Review
As someone that contemplated suicide as a teen, I can honestly tell you that it had nothing to do with what type of parents I had and everything to do with my own emotional issues. I’m thankful every day that a friend realized what was going on and contacted my mother. My mother and I are extremely close and she was completely unaware of what was going on in my head. I was very, very good at hiding it.
Jennifer recently posted..41 Things About Me
Thank you for this. While not suicidal, my 34YO brother has a myriad of ongoing mental and emotional problems dating back to his teenage years. After getting his life together for a while, including getting married, having two sons, and enjoying a successful career, he has once again spiraled out of control this past year and lost… well, pretty much everything. But instead of taking accountability for his actions and mistakes, he chooses to blame those around him – and in addition to his soon-to-be ex-wife, my parents have borne the brunt of it. He has said and done horrible, unforgivable, irreparable things to them. I really fear their relationship may be forever damaged, even if he gets his act together. Or worse, that they might die believing that their son hates them.
They have shouldered so much guilt over his behavior and actions and asked themselves many times over, “Where did we go wrong?” and “Did we fail him?” But after a lot of soul-searching, self-forgiveness, and therapy, they ultimately came to the same conclusion as you – they were enough. The fault does not lie with them.
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..Friday Tapas: The Gluttonous Edition
This is heartbreaking, and I’m so glad you’re sharing this story. I can’t imagine.
It’s not because of you, but you have the power to help. Trust that.
Robin recently posted..Change 10 Lives with Water
I have chills. Thank you for sharing this – it’s such a huge fear of all parents, I think, and to have someone talk honestly about it is so, so important.
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..School Year Behavior Contracts and Why to Use Them
I don’t know whom helped you believe that you are enough as a parent but thank God for them. So many parents blame themselves and lives and marriages fall apart and it wasn’t anything that was said or did by the parents.
Kristen recently posted..A Shift Change Of The Seasons
As the mother of another teen who, while not ever making the attempt, has communicated his desire to hurt himself in unimaginable ways…I am hanging on your every word. My heart is right there with yours. And I cannot wait for the next chapter. xoxo
Kimberly recently posted..Five Minute Friday: Graceful
I think you are really brave for sharing! I’m sure it’s tempting to never say a thing and pretend it didn’t happen – but I admire you for telling the story. For all who are going through something similar, and for you to purge negative feelings which hold back recovery. I hope you and your family move beyond this to somewhere great!
Darel Pace recently posted..When Life serves you lemons… A recipe for the BEST lemonade!
Your words have struck me already as I self harmed as a teen and didn’t even stop to think about what that must have made my mother think about her parenting skills. I am going to ring her shortly and apologise! And as Jennifer said, it had nothing to do with my mother, but more about how I couldn’t express the hurt I was feeling in other ways.
Gillian recently posted..Some songs that strike a chord with me
[...] Today we continue the story of our guest poster — of what happens when you teen takes matters into their own hands — with part II of the Dark Side of Parenting a Teenager. If you missed part I, you can read it here. [...]
[...] guest poster with part III of the Dark Side of Parenting a Teenager in Trouble. If you missed part I or II, you will want to read those [...]