The introductions of more of our amazing contributing writers continue. Today is Alison’s turn.
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There’s a picture of me at 4 years old, bouncing around on our new, ugly, orange 70s couch. I look at that picture and see a little girl full of joy, confidence and innocence.
Fast forward 12 years, and I look at a picture of me at 16, looking uncomfortable in my own skin, squirming in teenage awkwardness.
I look at a picture of me at the age of 32, newly married, happy and glowing.
I hold on to all of these photographs, these visual reminders of the long road, from childhood self-doubt to full-blown adult insecurities to self-confidence.
It has been difficult to shake off years of being told, directly and indirectly, that you’re not good enough, not smart enough.
It has been difficult to discard years of looking in the mirror and seeing the imperfections, real or not.
It has been difficult to accept praise, accolades and wins.
My self-confidence was almost non-existent.
What emerged from this sea of not-good-enough-ness was a determination to prove them wrong. Them – the naysayers, the doubters.
At university, I burned the midnight lamp. I worked part-time. I joined university committees. I was aiming to fly high. I did well enough, but I fell short of my own ambitions, which were driven by the desire to prove them wrong.
Early on in my career, I accepted a sales job I knew deep in my heart I wasn’t cut out for. In a twisted fashion, I accepted the job thinking if I excelled at something I didn’t like, then I’d prove them wrong. It didn’t work, I was miserable.
Stumbling into public relations two years into my career was the best thing that happened to me. The job came easily and naturally to me. The long days and late nights paid off by way of salary increments, promotions and more responsibilities. I was enjoying myself. I was good at what I was doing.
And I realized I was no longer trying to prove them wrong. I was no longer seeking approval. I was no longer vying for validation.
I was doing what I was good at, what I was happy with, FOR me.
I was finally good enough. I was finally me.
xo
Alison
It’s amazing how we can look back through our pictures and see ourselves in the different stages of becoming us. I was the same way, always trying to prove THEM wrong. I never really knew who THEY were, I just wanted to prove I was enough. When I finally stopped trying to do that, I became me, learning that I AM good enough.
I’m glad you found yourself. You’re a wonderful person. And you ARE good enough! xoxo
Kimberly recently posted..The Tourist
Thank you Kim. I’m glad you found YOU too, and much sooner than me, which is fabulous!! You are wonderful too. Thanks for being my friend. xo
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
You are a force of nature in this blogging world, A.
I canNOT even imagine where you will be online, with your passion for this medium.
I am so blessed to have you in my online family.
I love you.
Alexandra recently posted..Friday Funny
Thank you Alexandra. You are a huge inspiration to me in the online world. Blogging would not have been the same for me had we not met.
Love you too. xo
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
Alison, this is a great post. I see the same things when I look at old photos of myself. There are so many pressures on people, particularly young women, and it takes years of struggle for us to figure out that it should be ourselves that we need to make happy. Thanks for reminding me of that very important point.
Lynn, thank you for reading. Yes, the pressure on us is immense, isn’t it? It took me years. And even now, sometimes I have to stop and take a breath to remind myself that I am good enough.
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
Great post – and so nice to learn more about you!
Bits of Bee recently posted..Dichotomy of Bee
Thank you!
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
It is hard to live in the shadow of expectations. You are a strong and brave woman. You are kind and good and you are better than just good enough, you are fantastic and don’t ever let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
So glad you found your passion and life and it made you feel that you are fulfilling your potential.
Truthful Mommy recently posted..Magic Moments in ThisLife
Debi, thank you for your words, they truly mean so much!
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
This is an interesting post for me, time wise. I am in counseling right now dealing with this very issue. These feelings of not being enough. These ideas and fears that perhaps I have never been good enough and will never be good enough and the struggles I have experienced seem to be signposts that all point back to this very idea. Not good enough.
And here I am 36 with 7 kids and finally realizing, hence the counselng, that maybe I am. And maybe it is okay for me to believe that. And not that I am perfect, but that in all my weakness and failures, in all my inadequacies and insecurities, I am good enough to be accepted and loved and not rejected and abandoned, as all my fears are wrapped around. It feels a little like hope.
Thanks for sharing. It was very encouraging.
Tasha, I think that you have 7 children is amazing. And I’m glad you’ve come to the realization that you’re enough. Thank you for reading
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
So glad to know and happy for you that you are at peace with yourself now. I think you are much much more than just enough friend.
Kiddothings recently posted..Tipsy Friend – Kimberly of Zook Book Nook
Thank you, Germaine.
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
Alison,
Excellent post! I recently wrote a similar one (The Key) and I have to say I struggled with who I was and who for, for a very long time. I still do at times but reading books, counseling, etc has helped me through so much of finding who I am beneath all I was trying to be or has become for “them.”. I’m so glad you have found that you are enough. You are indeed enough and so much more….hugs.
Erica recently posted..The Shame Game Week 3
Thank you Erica. I’m glad you’ve found the help you need.
What a beautiful story. Finding what you are good at and what you enjoy can truly make all the difference in the world. You have to be so very brave to do what you want to do, what validates you and what makes you happy… not worrying about what others think! And look at you now! -Laverne
KindredAdventures recently posted..My baby boy is growing up
Thank you Laverne!! I stopped worrying about what people think about 10 years ago and the weight just lifted off my shoulders. The relief was palpable. I don’t know about being brave, I do know about being determined
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
Love it Alison. Oh how I can relate too. I feel not as insecure today (as I did most of my life) but still self conscious. It’s a process of a lifetime. Thank you for the post and the good vibe.
wendy @ mama one to three recently posted..This Summer Is a Foreign Country
Thank you Wendy. It is indeed a lifetime process and sometime struggle. We are all works in progress, we are always getting better!
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
I think I have just come to this realization this week that I am enough and if others can not see that then they are a negative fire in my life that needs to be extinguished. Thank you for sharing.
Yes, push out the negatives, there’ll be more room for the positives!
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
[...] I share my story of how I came to realize that I am [...]
finding your own worth is SO vital. I loved this look at your journey so far. *HUG*
Frelle recently posted..No More Words Than These
Thank you Jenna. That’s what it is, finding and embracing our own worth.
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
I love how you can look back and see all the stages of your life and where you were at. Very inspiring.
Jennie recently posted..To Walmart Elderlies Everywhere:
Thank you Jennie.
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
I am so glad I read this post; thank you! It makes me feel better knowing others feel and think this throughout their life. When I was applying for grad school I had one woman write a letter of recommendation for me that said ‘nice’ things, but then she wrote one thing that shattered me: Kimberly is not original. And if there is one thing at that point in my life that I wanted to be it was original. My self-esteem hit rock bottom and it took years to raise it. But once I found my place, my niche in what I wanted to do and realized I was original in that area, then it dawned on me: I am an original person overall and in this aspect of my work. Perhaps I wasn’t the original thinker for advancing science and that is okay.
Kim recently posted..The Hand Off
A short sentence, written without intention to hurt can cause such pain. Words are so powerful. And Kim, I think your words, the way you write, IS original. I’m glad you came to know that you are original and good at what you did.
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
The end of this gave me chills.
Sometimes I find it sad that it takes us usually until our late 20′s/early 30′s to really FIND ourselves but then I think it’s a good thing too. We’ve had life experiences and by that time we’re usually in a better place.
I’m so glad you DID find what was right for you because sometimes that doesn’t happen at all for people…
Good to see you here. xo
Elaine, thank you. I agree with you, it is sad it takes us so long to know our self-worth. But at least we find it eventually. And for the ones who haven’t, I’m hoping sites like Just.Be.Enough will help them see that they are enough.
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
You’re right, Alison…you can’t really be you while you’re trying to prove anyone else wrong. We all have to live according to what feels right to us. Anything else is artificial. I’m glad you found you!
jacqui recently posted..It’s A Fashion Show…
Jacqui, I’m glad we met too. And thank you for your lovely words.
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
Well I sure wish I had some of your self-confidence, Mama! I wish that I could confidently say I stopped caring what people thought of me 10 years ago but that’s one that runs deep. I act like i don’t care…but oh, I do. A lot of work to do on that front. Great post!
Self-awareness is the first step, dear friend! That you realize that is good. Now, the only way is up.
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
Oh Alison,
This is just such a powerful post. Growing up is hard. Finding your way is harder, and with all the outside forces at work to try and make you feel like you aren’t enough, it takes a strong person to realize that you are in fact enough.
Most of the time I don’t feel I’m that strong. I find fault within myself and my actions almost daily. But there are tiny little moments within a day that I feel good about what I did, who I am, and where I’m going. It’s those moments I try to cling to.
I’m so very fortunate to know you through this wonderful blogosphere. You have been so supportive, kind, true, and genuine. I’m so glad you found yourself, because you my friend…are amazing!
Hopes@Staying Afloat! recently posted..What Would Make My Life As A Busy Mom Easier?
Yes, revel, embrace and celebrate all the small moments! I’m glad to have met you too – you’re a lovely, supportive and kind friend. And thank you
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
Alison, I love when you open up. I adore learning about you. But your transparency? Is something to strive for. Go you- you’re all sorts of wonderful!
Galit Breen recently posted..Tweet a Story
Galit, thank you. It is not easy for me to write posts like these. But I’m always glad that I did. xo
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
What a fabulous and truthful post – and something that I think many women go through! I know I sure have (am?) I STILL like to prove others wrong – that I CAN do something! But… I also try to do better at prioritizing what I work at proving. Somethings are just not worth my time… but then, why should I have to prove myself?… You may be on to something here
Kate F. recently posted..“Scientific Studies” in Effective Communication (or lack-there-of)
I believe I am on to something
The day I decided that I was no longer going to try and prove people something, was the day I felt alive and liberated. If I ever have doubts, I just think back on the times when I labored under the illusion that the naysayers cared whether I was good enough or not. And I snap right out of it!
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
What a powerful and wonderfully well-written (of course!) post. I know the progression in pictures of which you speak. I am so glad that you have found confidence in your skin, because I think you are bursting with energy and happiness that reflects that confidence.
I feel luckier in my life that I met you
angela recently posted..I’ll Admit It, Tears Fell
Angela, thank you for your kind words and coming from you about this being well-written? Thrills me to no end – I admire your writing so much! I’m very lucky to have met you too
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
Great post….
Smiles,
Jody
Mommy Moment recently posted..Saying Goodbye
Thank you Jody.
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
I don’t know who “they” are, either. But to this day I have to remind myself that they don’t matter – that in fact they’re just versions of myself and my own fears, insecurities and doubts. I can be my biggest enemy and can do much worse to myself than anyone else. “They” aren’t even real.
I’m glad you’re finding YOU and knowing now that you’re enough just as you are.
Mrs. Jen B recently posted..Tweeting a Story
Yes, you’re right, Jen, WE are our own worst enemy! So glad for JBE, we are constantly reminding each other that we are just enough.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
No matter how hard you try to “be good enough” or “prove them wrong” you will always disappoint someone. If you’re doing your best and you’re chasing your dreams, screw the rest. Seriously. Thanks for the reminder that my life is for me to live.
Lindsey recently posted..Back up the future.
Well said Lindsey!! And thank YOU for reading and commenting.
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
—Sweet, Alison,
Many women, especially, will be able to identify with this post.
We all struggle desperately trying to be Good Enough–Smart Enough–Pretty Enough—Thin Enough….and when we finally look in the mirror and say “I AM WHO I AM! I Love Me!”
it is Beautiful & oh, so Liberating.
Loved the post! xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..The Cherry-Red Toaster
Thank you, you complete get me!!
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
This was great, Allison! I think I need to remember that I shouldn’t put pressure on my sons to make me happy. I want them to feel they are enough. Thanks for the reminder!
Kelley recently posted..What IS that weird object used for anyway???
Thank you Kelley for reading, and you’re welcome
Alison recently posted..To Be Enough – An Introduction
That is not easy, acceptance and self worth. I am so glad you found it. I struggle more as an adult then I ever did as a young girl. I hope it is just a faze.
Stasha recently posted..Scavenger Hunt
Thank you Stasha. I think you have much to be proud of, you are enough. (yes it is a phase!)
Alison recently posted..Scavenger Hunt Sunday
I’m glad you found what you enjoyed doing and started to feel good about yourself.
Jessica recently posted..Chocolate Covered Goodness
Thank you Jessica.
Alison recently posted..Scavenger Hunt Sunday
It’s hard to believe that you ever struggled with self-confidence. It’s odd to know that the way we see ourselves often is NOTHING at all the way others see us. I see a beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, caring, sensitive, funny, giving, and CONFIDENT woman in you! I hope after those years of struggle you can see the same. Would you like to borrow MY mirror?
Lola recently posted..How My Asshole Dog Locked Me Out of the House
Aw, Lola, you’re so sweet. I have to be all bluster now, over-compensating for all those years of not being confident. Thank you for your kind words, and yes, when I need to, I’ll be sure to ask you for your mirror!
Alison recently posted..Scavenger Hunt Sunday
It took me that long to “find” myself too!
This post is beautiful and powerful…just like you
Runnermom-jen recently posted..More Life Lessons
Aw, thank you Jen. Your friendship means a lot to me.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Scavenger Hunt Sunday
Beautiful Alison.
I know well about trying to fit onto a roll that isn’t for me.
But when you find the right one, your passion, it’s perfection
Leighann recently posted..Let Me Tweet You a Story
Leighann, you’re absolutely right, when it’s your passion, it IS perfection. Your perfection.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Scavenger Hunt Sunday
This is a wonderful perspective. What a great gift – to get to the point where you can stand up for what you want and realize you can make your own choices and do what’s right for you. Such strength in that!
Robin recently posted..On My Anniversary
Thank you Robin. It was a hard road but I would change nothing.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Scavenger Hunt Sunday
BRAVO, Alison! You totally rock! I was a shy, awkward girl in my teens, then I went into the Marine Corps…that’ll make a man out of ya! After that, I met and married this man who sees me completely different! He sees me as fun, funny, pretty and smart. He thinks I’m the coolest person ever! Soon, I began to see myself through his eyes and I like that girl better….she’s who I am inside!
Now, when I look in the mirror I see this amazing chick who totally rocks! Lookin’ good, girlfriend!
Ann recently posted..Food Buzz 24×24: Make Mine Sliders!
You are an amazing chick who rocks. And your husband sees the true you
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Scavenger Hunt Sunday
I love this. Although it’s easy enough to say with our intellectual portion of our minds that trying to prove “them” wrong punishes no one but ourselves… the ability to really take action and let go of that is impressive. I’m glad that you’ve been able to find your own success on your terms (and get some reward for that, too!) I’ve got some things to learn from you, A!
Thank you Tracy, for your kind words!!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Redefining Bitch
You are always more than you think so much more, I look at you and see such an enviable spirit..but I beleive that our younger versions of ourselves are the ones reaching out and striving to learn who we are. You definately “found her” xo
Kir recently posted..Falling Into It
And I’m happy to leave my younger self in the past! Thank you for your support and kind words as always, Kir.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Redefining Bitch
The more you share, the more I am in awe of the strong, feisty person you are. The past is important…to learn….and you have been a great student!
You are so lovely, inside and out. I am so happy you found YOU!
kelly recently posted..Be Enough Me: The Color Yellow
Thank you Kelly, I’m happy too!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Spam, Not The Kind You Eat
[...] writes for her blog but for two others! Contributing her stories to help women realize they are Enough and mothers around the globe know they have someone to relate [...]