The Just.Be.Enough. journey would not be what it is without today’s guest. Laverne was once a Just.Be.Enough. contributor, and will always be in our team’s hearts. Laverne is a mismatch-sock-wearing, indecisive, sassy, creative wife, mother, educator, best friend and sister who a year and a half ago started blogging when her best friend said, “Come on let’s start a blog. It’ll be fun.” So with a deep breath and fear that all the weirdos in the world would start stalking her or come to her house and kidnap her children she dove in and the pair started Kindred Adventures together. Today Laverne writes at akalaverne.com and is enriched by the incredible people she has met blogging. (And to date she not been stalked and her children have not been kidnapped.)
———-
“What you are doing now is not working, is it?”
The pediatrician’s words felt as if he had reached inside my chest and crushed my heart.
“No consequences, no taking away privileges and no taking away toys?”
“No.”
Our struggles with constipation had brought us to his office. We left his office with the assurance that there was nothing physically wrong with her and a lesson in change that would be the most difficult parenting task I have ever faced. I would need to change.
As a special education teacher I have worked with my share of students with significant behavior disabilities. During my 13 years of teaching I have even asked for and welcomed the most challenging. They are the students I am most passionate about working with. With a strong plan, consistency, and consequences backed by positives I have helped students change their behaviors and enabled them to make good choices. In other words, it has been my job to dig in, stand my ground, and make change happen.
“What you are doing now isn’t working, is it?”
I knew he was right.
I had to change before she could feel empowered to change too. As we left the doctor’s office his words continued to weigh heavy on my heart. I had to relinquish all power in this power struggle. I had to bite my tongue and not say anything when my capable six-year-old had an accident, and another, and another, and four more each day.
The moment I relinquished power things changed. Our relationship changed. I began to look deeper at other parts of our relationship.
Other things needed to change as well. I needed to listen better. I needed to hear the little things she needed me to let her do – things she could not express to me but that made her feel empowered. I needed to let her be herself, to embrace the qualities of her character as strengths, regardless of how crazy they made me.
Giving up that one thing — letting go of that one control — was the hardest and most difficult thing I have done as a mother to date. It went against everything in my being.
It was the best thing I have ever done.
I changed.
For me.
For her.
For us.
One of the hardest things I gave to do is let go of what I THINK should work sometimes. And I just know it’s going to happen more and more and on a larger scale as they get older. Good job changing for your girl
Angela recently posted..Between College and Reality – Reviewing The Marriage Plot
You say it so simply Angela but that is exactly it. It should work and then it doesn’t. My oldest is something else stubborn and amazingly imaginative spirit. This will not be the first time I change on this journey but boy was it incredibly hard. Sometimes I dont know who is teaching who. I’m just gonna hang on and take lots of deep breaths. Thank you for your kind word and letting me know I’m not alone in this journey. Others have survived it right?!
I just want to take a moment to thank Elena and all of the JBE contributors (new and old). Being part of this group has and is a wonderful experience I cherish deeply. I have learned so very much about myself here . I’ve learned that an amazing group of beautiful woman can wrap their arms around you and make you feel safe enough to share. In the same moment they will take your hand and gently show you you are enough. Most of all they are not just woman who write about being enough their actions show me everyday that they are as deeply beautiful in everyday life. I am forever changed because of my experiences her. Thank you Elena!! Thank you all of you! XOXOXOXOX -LV
Laverne recently posted..Just Be Enough: Guest Post
I struggle with giving up my power on a daily basis. I’m nothing if not a control freak, and learning to let someone else deal with a problem, instead of tackling it myself, is truly a difficult task for me. Great post. xoxo
Abby recently posted..An Official Abby Gabs Police Report
Control freek I am too. Another thing we have in common. Letting go is something else I struggle with as well. Sometimes someone else can do it just as well as we can. May not be our way or the same way but it’s their way, just as good and gets the job done. It is just so hard, especially when you know what you are doing, know what you need to do and grrrrr have to let go. Thank you so much for joining me here my dear dear friend. We can work on taking deep breaths and letting go together! -LV
Laverne recently posted..Just Be Enough: Guest Post
I think being a parent is a lot like being a teacher in that if your not learning from each other, your not doing it right.
Corey Feldman recently posted..Bad poetry
Corey… so very true!! I think (at least for me) we often think it is us who are teaching the lessons and molding the child but when we step back we realize it goes both ways. It certainly is a balance (I find) between recognizing and respecting the individual and teaching the child the guidelines and boundries of a family and life. I am learning that the learning will come from both of us. Thank you sp much for your insightful perspective.
Laverne recently posted..Just Be Enough: Guest Post
I love this! Great work, mama! No one wins a power struggle and it’s the hardest lesson I’m learning also. My control is my Achilles heel and my kids are teaching me daily to let go, listen and be creative in my parenting. I’m changing, but it’s too slow for my taste! What a fantastic post. Thank you!
Mary @ A Teachable Mom recently posted..Projections & (Potter)more
So lovely to see you here, my friend! And I know how tough it is to do this – good for you.
Robin Farr recently posted..Goggles
This was beautiful! Anytime we acknowledge a need to let go we open up doors to seeing what we couldn’t see before. We open ourselves up to solutions we couldn’t tap into before. Thanks for sharing your story. It inspired me.