Guest post Friday could not come soon enough this week. Apart from being overjoyed that it is a long weekend, we are over the moon to share the voice of Joann Mannix of Laundry Hurts My Feelings today. Joann describes herself this way: “A stay-at-home mom who really likes being at home but hates everything about staying at home. I hate to cook, clean, scrapbook, be the homeroom mom (which I always am), wash windows, and of course I especially hate the laundry.” And she is here to tell us a story…the story that started with her always having love for the written word. When she was a child her parents bought her a yellow notebook to write her thoughts in and she has been writing ever since.
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A few years ago, I had an epiphany in the grocery store. It was the eve of my daughter’s 18th birthday.
18 years, how they flew by.
It seemed like just yesterday I was laboring endlessly to bring her into the world and then I was here, reaching for the Funfetti to make her 18th birthday cake. I suddenly had this flashback of her at three with curlicue pigtails, and I burst into tears right there in the baking aisle.
My life has been filled with the cotton candy sweetness of little girls. There were birthday parties and tooth fairy visits, bedtime stories and three girls flitting about in ballerina tutus.
But the odd thing about my collage of memories—I don’t remember much of me in them.
I know I was there, positively bone-tired at times, always giving my girls the best of me.
But I don’t remember me.
I’m not being whiny. I wouldn’t take back a minute of those days. But I do have one regret. I wish I’d been more self-centered.
When I became a mother, a fierce, instinctive, selfless love washed over me.
That love never left and, for me, it never changed.
But my girls did.
They took first steps, lost first teeth, said first words. They went to school. They learned to drive. They let go of my hand. And it all happened in seconds. And whoosh…the next thing I know, I’m clutching the Pillsbury Dough Boy and crying my eyes out.
And it was then, I realized, it was time to remember me—that girl who had once lived and breathed words. That girl I had tucked away the minute those squalling, beautiful creatures were put into my arms.
A voice, from long ago, relentlessly pounded through me like my own heartbeat with the words, “I am a writer.”
I know, cheesy. But I love cheese, especially a good Brie drizzled in fig jam.
I decided it was time to write that novel.
It was an arduous, frustrating struggle to commit to a writing schedule. The biggest part of my struggle was the sacrifices we all had to make.
I was no longer super volunteer at school. My house grew dustier. My kids had to learn self-reliance. And my husband grabbed a huge chunk of the slack and shifted it to his shoulders.
I grappled with those sacrifices almost every day.
There were many days when, in the grips of a writing frenzy, I would barely look up from my computer when my girls trudged in from school. A hot dinner on the table became a rare event. Laundry piled up.
In short, June Cleaver had left the building.
And then there was that awful moment when, in the middle of a teenage tantrum over something now long forgotten, my middle girl said, “Why can’t you be a normal mom like you used to be?”
That one slashed my mother’s heart into ribbons.
As mothers, we’re never sure if we’re giving enough of ourselves in this mighty big job of motherhood. Precious lives in the palms of your hands can make even the most confident of women an insecure mess.
And I was exactly that.
But still I wrote, keeping those famous Nike words tacked to my desk.
Just Do It.
And finally, under the weight of a family’s sacrifice, a novel was born.
Even if it comes to nothing, I am proud and hopeful as I journey down a new road called Trying To Get A Book Published.
But none of it compared to the day my daughter—that same girl who had blanketed me in guilt—was sitting around the kitchen table with her friends while I had a rare moment as Martha Stewart. That is, if Martha Stewart ever cracks open a tube of cinnamon rolls and sticks them in the oven.
One of the girls mentioned I was one of her favorite moms. I was beyond flattered since teenage admiration is as rare as a Bigfoot sighting.
And then that daughter of mine looked at me with her sweet blue eyes and said, “She’s a writer, too. A great writer and a great mom.”
Her words were brief and basic, but my heart soared.
And I soar as a mother and, now, something even more.
No matter where this endeavor takes me I have learned, through this potholed journey, to hold fast to certain truths: I am a woman of worth. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a writer. And I am, indeed, enough.
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I for one cannot wait till Joann’s book is picked up by a smart publisher!
xo
About Elena
Wonderful piece, Joann. First of all, congrats on finally finishing your novel. Major feat. MAJOR.
I can totally relate with this piece. I have the ‘Just Do It’ above my computer (along with several other rockin vintage Nike ads). And I’m still struggling with trying to put myself, my dreams, and my novel ambitions first. I haven’t figured out the balance yet — my world pretty much stops when the kid and husband get home — nor have I figured out how to deal with their pleas that I’m ‘ignoring’ them. They’d starve if I didn’t cook dinner each night. Or maybe not…
Keep us updated on your quest for publication. You can do it. You WILL do it. I want to see you smiling down from the bookshelves next year. Cheers.
Vinobaby recently posted..Yes, It’s Too Sexy for ANY Yearbook
Oh my heart, stunning, timely. Love this so very much!
Galit Breen recently posted..Dinner Conversations
You’re one of my favorite moms too.
XO – ash
Ash recently posted..Tales from the gallery.
wow. Yeah. wish I would have found this blog a while ago. i can relate to what your guest writer was saying, but a little bit of reverse. I’m wondering if I’ve been too selfish all along (coulda, shoulda cupcake whoahs), and now that I am (we are) in a similar cheesy pounding gotta write before I die phase, yeah. I’m rambling. No sleep. Furious teen and slamming doors moments ago.
Another random tangent – have you ever seen the Grey’s Anatomy episode that features a guy who has eaten his novel and it has to be surgically removed? The whole thing comes out the size of a big egg.
Don’t do that…I want to read your book. pax, Kate
Kudos for a great post and for finishing your novel!
Eva Gallant recently posted..Friday Fiction: Welcome to Singles Night, Chapter 2
First, CONGRATULATIONS on completing a novel and GOOD LUCK with the publishing process.
I can relate to those JUST-DO-IT-conflicting-with-guilt moments. My eldest, soon to be 8, can remember me most as a SAHM. It was just a few years ago that my work consisted of being 100% mother. Occasionally, he will throw out a “I want you as the old mom” type comment.
When that happens, I remember the day last year when I had the opportunity to present in his school. I stood in front of his class and spoke to them about how I had self-published my book. Everyone was interested and excited. And my son was SO VERY PROUD!
Tania Elfersy (@PurpleLeavesRed) recently posted..A Chance to Win the Book Purple Leaves, Red Cherries
Tears in my eyes with this one.
Partly, because I love Joann, and partly..because it is all over in a rush.
Beautiful post, and so truthful.
Alexandra recently posted..The One That Got Away
Ack – I’m crying as I read this. My son just sent me a message on Facebook asking me, politely, not to comment on his basketball photos any more because the guys (he’s 22 and in the air force and on an air force team in South Korea). Anyway – something about the guys bugging him and teasing him about his mommy. Am I right to feel like that’s a junior high-ish reaction on the part of my son? When you said your daughter’s comment slashed your mommy heart into ribbons – I reallized I’d just been slashed. Ouch. I don’t think it ever goes away. I know, I know – he’ll come back at some point with an “I’m proud of my mom” kind of comment. But right now? I’ve pretty much been told to stay in the car – metaphorically. It’s always a dance with kids. Too much? Too little? Let em go? Hold em close? Anyway – close to the bone in this moment. On a more positive note – Congrats on finishing your novel. I did that this year too and am starting the process of sending it out there – so am going to check out your posts about what you’ve been doing. Good luck to you!
Barb – The Empty Nest Mom recently posted..Strong Simple Passwords
As always, Joann’s words rock my world. I love posts like this that make me realize I need to slow down a little and savor every moment with my little boys but that it’s also ok to have a minute here and there for myself.
Great guest post!
Angie@MamaInsomnia recently posted..The first #FFFriday link-up
There has been nothing harder than hearing one or both of my kids say, “I TOLD you already, Mom. But you were on the computer. Again.”
It’s the “again” that gets me. Every time.
And yet. There’s been nothing more rewarding than hearing them say, “My mom’s a writer.”
Oh yes. To them, I am. Whether or not my words are ever published.
So I get this, Joann. Every word.
(But you knew that already, I’m sure.)
I can’t wait to be baking you a funfetti cake someday, celebrating the signing of your book contract.
You are simply fabulous. And enough. And an inspiration to all of us. Especially your daughters.
And normal? Totally overrated.
XO
julie gardner recently posted..Today call me inspired
Hugs of thanks to you, Joann, for sharing part of your journey with us. I know it’s all going to fly by – I’ve only been at this mothering thing for just shy of six years, but they were the fastest six years of my life. And with each year, time just goes faster. Thanks for the encouragement to hang on to our dreams, too.
Missy @ Wonder, Friend recently posted..Don’t Taunt the Pollen, and A Little Business
Your writing is gorgeous!
I can tell I’m going to be the kind of mon who hangs on to my children’s ankles as they attempt to move out.
Sigh.
Leighann recently posted..My Mind Was Changed
I love brie with anything! And I loved this piece. What a wonderful role model you’ve been to your girls. And how awesome are they, recognizing their mother for her worth. This brought tears to my eyes. Great.
Missy | The Literal Mom recently posted..A Thank You Note to the Jersey Shore Cast
So wonderful to meet you and get to know a little bit about your journey. I have had my heart cut to ribbons from words rashly spoken by an outspoken adolescent. And I have lost myself in motherhood. I am at that spot you were, where you decided you needed to become a little more self centered. And it was time.. then for you and now for me. My worth is not based on my martyrdom as a mom, or on my professional accomplishments. I do my best to give everything I have to my kids, just not without self care and sanity breaks.. and time to be creative and connect with others. To feed my own soul so I dont live on fumes. I did that for far too long. And I hope to hear, as you did, that compliment come from one of my children. That I do both well. Thanks for having Joann visit, Elena!!
Frelle recently posted..Ten Things I Love About Motherhood
if the book is anywhere near as wonderful as this post, i’m in. you made me cry! much love.
I loved this. My kids are all grown, but I remember feeling absolutely shredded at times when I felt I wasn’t perfect enough. And I’m sure I made my own mother feel the same way when I was a kid. It’s interesting looking at her as a real person now, with feelings and all, now that I’ve had reality handed to me on a plate by my own kids. But true to all good kids everywhere, they just laugh at the times that so cut my confidence and they enjoy my company today. I’ve learned, through it all, that everything evens out, and we are, indeed, enough. Perfection just gives people the willies.
There are so many things that resonate with me in this post, though I am at the beginning of the child journey. I want them to remember me in the house, slapping glitter from here to Thursday. I want them to identify me as a writer.
And, to state the obvious, I now want both Brie and Funfetti cake.
Thank you Elena, for introducing us to such a wonderful and inspiring woman. Joann is indeed a talented writer if her words here is any indication!
Being a mother myself, I could relate to what Joann said. Motherhood has probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I love being a mom to my daughter with all my heart. And yet, looking back, I know that I’ve lost a lot of the ‘me’ who existed before i became a mother, and I miss her. Although I wouldn’t trade my experience as a mom for anything, I do hope that in the days ahead I get to find a better balance between the me who is a mother, and the me who is simply ‘me.’
Sweaty recently posted..Flavor (and Best Scoop of the Week!)
You made me teary eyed Joann.
And that is strange.
I have never burst into tears in the grocery aisle over one of my offspring.
I have,however, come very close, over the increase in certain prices!
I,too,cannot wait for your book.
kathy recently posted..Granny and the deathbed update
I just love your words…
and how you throw in the most random little tid bits of hilarity.
And I love you.
There I said it.
I think that I would have exploded to hear my child say that.
Right now all he says is “Babe, get me a cookie”…yes he’s three and yes he said that.
You are just enough.
And that is more than enough.
xoxo
Kimberly recently posted..Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday
Ok, what just happened. Why did my eyes fill with tears when your daughter said you were a great writer and a great mom? Clearly some buried feelings. Maybe I need to go find myself. (wry smile).
Lady Jennie recently posted..Just a Vestige
I am never disappointed by Joann, no matter what she writes. I can’t wait to read her book!! I’ll follow her anywhere!
This makes me smile! So happy for you.
Robin recently posted..Waving the White Flag
I LOVED every single word of this…honestly. I have been struggling with this so much lately and my children are only 4 years old. You put it so well and you gave me so much to think about and weigh in my heart and in my mind. It’s so nice to meet you and I wish you every bit of Good Luck with getting the book published. I know you won’t believe me but reading this really “changed me” and I thank you for that.
(My aha moment like yours was at dinner with my best friend and her husband in NYC a month ago. We were toasting her birthday and toasting her husband’s new job…toasting my husband and his awesomeness and then she looked at me and raised her glass saying “to my friend Kir, who is a beautiful writer and doesn’t even know how amazing she is” I thought..”I didn’t even know you read my blog regularly and here you are taling about all my stories…it blew me away. Thank you for putting words to it for me…I’m so glad you got to hear it too!!)
Kir recently posted..Kimmy & David : A Wedding & A Vow
Jo, You are enough because you have chosen To Be Enough, and I admire and respect your willingness to write down your truths. This is beautifully written, and just flows down the page. Yes, I shed a tear as I read it, but I came away wanting more!
Thanks for this wonderful post.
Namaste……..cj
cj Schlottman recently posted..Call for Help
You are most definitely enough!! I’m so excited for your book to come out so I can read it!!
Baby Sister recently posted..Your nerve is dying
This post hits so close to home for me. I give of myself to my family so endlessly that sometimes I fear losing ME in the midst of it all. So I juggle and stress and try to find a happy balance….yet I still struggle.
Thank you for sharing this.