Not too long ago, I wrote here about how I have some simple goals this year for myself, like sending handwritten letters.
My universe of crazy schedules, young kids, and a giant task list that has to be crammed into small hours is not going to change.
My list of goals evolves continually, and I added to it this past week.
It is to smile. My grandmother used to ride me about that. Well, actually not to smile. It was more “Stop scowling!” But anyway.
I know – smiling. This is a totally earth-shattering concept, right?
Let me explain. This was a terrible week, for a lot of reasons not worth detailing. Amidst my own junk, there was a huge amount of fighting online as well:
People belittling, once again, each other’s parenting decisions.
Women called together on television supposedly to discuss a study but instead just diminishing each other’s worth as stay-at-home or working parents.
Even videos about who is good enough to be a Girl Scout.
Those are larger, more prominent examples of what happens around us every day.
This past week, I took my two kids to their first music class in a year. It’s difficult to bring them to structured events together, and I am at the mercy of other parents in class putting up with some antics. The teacher knows us and was patient and wonderful. The other moms, however, clustered together, wouldn’t even make eye contact, even when I tried to apologize for my son’s “exuberance.” (Why am I apologizing for that??) By the end, I was completely defeated. Despite my kids loving the class.
On Saturday, my daughter attended her first ballet class. It’s a small class of four girls and, although Abby was nervous, she did great. The parents watched class from outside the door. Two mothers, who knew each other, refused to acknowledge me or the other mother there. Even when my son was playing with their son and daughter. Even when my son walked up, patted one on the leg, and said hello. (How do you ignore a toothy, grinning 19-month-old?)
After the music class experience and a long week, I wanted to retreat. Instead, I looked over at the fourth mother. I smiled, and we began talking. It turns out she moved here recently and hasn’t met many people yet. And, since her daughter has two older brothers, she has been begging her mother to be able to play with other girls.
We had a nice conversation. Maybe we’ll become friends. Maybe not. It doesn’t really matter. I do know that the 45-minute class was certainly a lot more enjoyable in her company.
The point is this: Whether it’s a quick snub in class, or taking the time to attack the way we raise our children, verbally or online, what are we accomplishing?
It is, in one small move, giving positive energy to someone else. That is the start. And on a larger scale, trying to provide positive energy even to those not directly in front of us.
And, let’s face it, we haven’t made it any easier for ourselves, either. What happened to the smile reflex? I was raised to smile and say hello when someone addresses you. It actually takes effort for me not to smile back at someone.
And doesn’t it feel better?
So that’s my newest goal. To smile. At people in the store, at class and to give a lot more of them to my kids. And to pause before diving into the attacks and retaliations that are so prevalent. To take the time to provide some support.
It may even help those rough weeks become a little bit easier.
xo
Tracy
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About Tracy
Love this, Tracy, so much! A smile, we can -and should- all be able to manage!
Galit Breen recently posted..Dinner Conversations
I think it takes more effort not to smile at someone!
ChiMomWriter recently posted..Nursing, Milestones and Hindsight
I couldn’t agree more…I have really been trying this myself, and it certainly makes passing time much easier if you just smile! And yours is RADIANT.
Sherri recently posted..Being Grateful and Warm
Aw, thanks, Sherri – I’m a fan of yours, too.
ChiMomWriter recently posted..Nursing, Milestones and Hindsight
So simple yet so powerful. Count me in.
Robin recently posted..Toddler is My Co-Pilot
I can’t agree with you more, Tracy… Never underestimate the power of smile.
In this day and age, many people have become so jaded and paranoid, they have really started to forget how to smile. I hate sending my daughter to school and her extracurricular activities because of the same reason that happened to you… I thought ganging up only happened in High School, but I guess it still happens even when your children are the ones in high school.
To smile more… that’s an awesome goal. And a great reminder to the rest of us
Sweaty recently posted..A Moment Captured
I think it should be on the list of things that you don’t know when you become a new parent. You know that parenting is going to be scary, but no one tells you that the other parents might be, too.
But, man, on those hard days, a genuine smile goes such a long way!
ChiMomWriter recently posted..Nursing, Milestones and Hindsight
There’s definitely a lot of power in the smile. What a fantastic reminder!
The Drama Mama recently posted..Mommy Milestones
What a great reminder that sometimes all it takes is just a smile and we can brighten someone else’s life. Thank you for this
Maureen | Tatter Scoops recently posted..Breakaway
I have been impacted by someone giving me a quick smile so many times. The least I can do is “pay it forward.” Thanks for the reminder that if we stay bottled up and afraid, we may be missing opportunities to make connections to others.
Sperk* recently posted..Relationships, Weekends and My Blended Family
So true! And these days, I need those connections more than ever!
ChiMomWriter recently posted..Nursing, Milestones and Hindsight
Nice post, Tracy. I have turned situations like this around before as well just with a smile, as you say. So hard to smile at someone when I don’t really want to for whatever reason – like getting up off the couch and out of the house to exercise when it would just be easier to stay put – but it’s instantly rewarding and nourishing.
Cookie’s Mom recently posted..Well, I NEVER!
Love that comparison – and in both cases, the more you do it, the easier it is to continue!
ChiMomWriter recently posted..Nursing, Milestones and Hindsight
I remember the year I turned 21…I was living in Scranton, PA with no car. I was walking up to the GLOBE department store at 5:30 in the morning (I was a computer operator) and it should have been a scary 20 minute walk for a very young naive 21 yr old…but instead that was the year that I decided to do what you are doing now…I smiled, at everyone. I made eye contact even with the scary homeless guys..and I said “Good morning!”. I remember feeling the joy of sharing those little words. It made my days better, my outlook sweeter, my life mean something.
I applaud you for “Sharing the smiles”….I still do it, I still feel that joy when I do, I’m so glad you found your “SMILE” and this post was amazing.
xo
Kir recently posted..Just Be Enough: How Do You Define “Enough”?
Thanks, Kir – It’s such an easy thing to do, and it costs us absolutely nothing. And yet you absolutely improved the mornings of some of those people during your walks. I can’t wait to hop over to read your link-up for the week!
ChiMomWriter recently posted..Nursing, Milestones and Hindsight
So true! A smile just simply changes the entire tone of the exchange. I’m going to smail a lot today. Maybe I can help someone else with that small change.
Kimberly at Rubber Chicken Madness recently posted..I’m Sexy and I Know It — I Work Out
I totally,100% agree with you!! I think our society has become very rude and negative!! Thanks for writing such an awesome post!!!!
Love this so much … just a smile can make someone else’s whole day, and yours too when you get a smile back and it makes you feel good. We try so hard to live this everyday. We smile at people who pass us by, give check out people our full attention, thank everyone by name looking them in the eyes and wishing them well … I hope that this stays with my kids for the rest of their days!
By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted..A Birthday Memory Captured
I’ve used it! When I felt I was being judged by other moms, I just smiled. And next time I saw those moms, I smiled again. I refused to let myself become bitter and I discovered that it’s harder for them to appear judging when I’m smiling
Thanks for reminding me however, not only to be a reactive smiler but a proactive one too!
Tania Elfersy (@PurpleLeavesRed) recently posted..I NEVER…until I became a mom.