Today’s guest-post Friday is very special to me. (Not that they are not all special, but well…) Today’s voice comes from the stunning, the funny, the kind, the fashionable Amanda…all the way from Parenting by Dummies. Amanda and I live in the same local area and I feel lucky to get to see her occasionally in real life, and every time I do I kind of just want to hug her. The person she is on her blog, and in her many appearances around the blogosphere, is the real deal. So sit back, grab your coffee and get ready…Amanda is sharing how being “real” is more than enough.
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I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was 6.
My dad thought writers didn’t make enough money. So, he told me to be a lawyer. Or a doctor. Or something “smart and rich” like that.
I knew I didn’t want to be a doctor (I suck at science because it’s friggin’ hard) or a lawyer (I suck at arguing because I always wind up in tears), but I went to college and majored in criminology, law and society to keep that law school door open a crack.
Just in case.
I closed it for good when I joined Teach for America at graduation and went off to be an English teacher (another profession he thought wouldn’t be a good choice) at an urban school in California. It sucked. And I loved it all at the same time.
I loved it so much I went on to get a master’s degree in education, and the only thing I found that I loved more was being a mommy.
I left teaching to stay home with The Dudes.
Eight years later I can honestly say that I don’t miss teaching even a little bit.
I love being home with The Dudes to experience all of their milestones and pick them up at the bus stop and sometimes skip homework to have pre-dinner movie afternoons on the couch.
But, my brain just wouldn’t let the whole writing thing go entirely.
I started blogging on a whim.
My non-mom BFF, a closet mom-blog stalker, turned me on to it.
She forwarded me this link to an amazing mom blogger who shared the most insightful and humorous stories about motherhood and womanhood and awesomeness.
I read her blog every day of life, even when I nursed my baby in my dirty jammie pants while my 2-year-old chucked Matchbox cars at my head (because he knew I couldn’t get up to chase him).
I wanted to be like her. Only different. (Because I thought being just like her would be super creepy and result in her hating me a little.)
I wrote my first blog post in December of 2008.
It was lame.
Poorly written in one huge paragraph.
No photo. No keywords. No SEO. No nothing.
Honestly, the story I told wasn’t even very good.
I didn’t know what I was doing.
I was just throwing things together and hoping someone liked it.
At first the only person who did was my mother. But, it’s grown a bit since then.
I’ve been writing parenting BY dummies for a little over three years now. I still don’t really know what I’m doing, but I feel pretty right about it anyway.
And, I’m super happy people read it. (You read it right?!)
I just wish I would’ve listened to my six-year-old self. Because that kid was awesome.
And it was the last time that I didn’t let family obligation, and financial independence, and wanting to impress people who like being impressed get in the way of making my brain happy.
Starting my blog helped bring six-year-old me back out to play.
It was all-the-way totally just for me – the first thing I’d done for that sole reason since changing my name to Mommy.
And it felt awesome!
Then something else amazing happened: I started making real connections with real people.
Other moms who were missing their brains opportunity to connect with friends, or talk about something other than nipple cream, or be creative and witty and smart and fun without obligation or judgment or expectation.
It was exciting, and exhilarating, and, um, awesome!
Most of my non-blogging friends didn’t get it (but that’s mostly because they were all too busy to do more than send an errant text). And my husband and family (aside from my mom) thought it was kinda weird.
But for me, blogging began to fill in a part of myself that I wasn’t able to fill in any other way. It allowed me to be creative and innovative and even useful (for something other than my ability to make a slammin’ fruit salad). And, it made me feel connected to real female friends (not the ones I was growing apart from since college, and not the ones I met at gymnastics or because they were married to my husband’s friends).
Last weekend I traveled to Connecticut to visit one of those friends.
@seriouslyahome @nicegirlnotes & @dumbparent
The first time I’ve gone away from my children for no other reason than because I wanted to. No one died. No one was ill. It wasn’t for work. Or to film a reality TV show.
It was just because.
I wanted to see a friend. I wanted to go to dinner with her. And laugh with her. And sit on her couch an watch paint dry (after she painted a table while I tweeted and took pictures of her pregnant belly).
I met her because of my blog. And I kept her because she’s awesome.
And while I know that some people don’t think we’re “real” friends, because “blog friends” aren’t real, I know that we are.
I know she knows the real me. Not the mommy-group me. Not the PTA me. Not the I-really-want-you-to-like-me-because-my-husband-and-your-husband-make-us-stand-around-and-talk-while-they-hang-out-in-the-basement me.
The real me.
The funny me. The sarcastic me. The me who thinks soccer fields are like high school cafeterias.
The me I am today.
The me who still struggles to find time to focus on myself. The me who needs encouragement and reassurance and validation. The irrational me who lets mommy guilt rule her life even though I act all big and bad, and would never admit that to my regular friends.
The me who really needed someone to just do this…
49 comments later I think I’m convinced.
And I know for sure what a “real friend” is. And that it doesn’t matter where you met her as long as she loves you hard, accepts your insanity, and helps you convince yourself that you’re worth a little extra time to hit the treadmill. Because you are. Totally.
xo
About Elena
Oh my, Amanda. I love this. Love. And can relate to too much to mention here without this comment becoming all about me (ahem).
But thank you, I needed this today.
(Fabulous post!)
Galit Breen recently posted..Less, and More
No, thank you! It’s all about the awesome people you meet, right?! I can say that you’re one of them even though we’ve not “officially” met yet! One day!
dumb mom recently posted..TGIPinterest Pin This!: Spring
I’m too gangster to cry.
I’m too gangster to cry.
*sniffles into my tea*
Roo {NiceGirlNotes} recently posted..I Might Be Spiderman
You love me hard. I know it. No tears please. I’m not for crying:)!
dumb mom recently posted..TGIPinterest Pin This!: Spring
Thank you for sharing this here. I have a similar story, including the teaching career. I am so glad blogging gave you the freedom to find what you wanted and helped you find friends with whom actual watching of paint dry is fun
Yes! Watching paint dry was fun, and also the only thing I had energy for at the end of that day! Those people worked me!
dumb mom recently posted..TGIPinterest Pin This!: Spring
They mysteries of the universe: why we like who we like.
I remember the very first post I ever read of dumbparent: she was so amazing, and so like me, that I almost cried.
Really. I am so like a fish out of water in this small town we live in: we live here b/c it’s idyllic for our children, but mama is lonely, and out of place.
But on the internet? I GOTZ ME MY FRIENDS.
Roo, and Amanda, and so many others: I’ve been so lucky to find.
This post is fantastic: it is exactly what I feel.
I only wish I had the time to visit everyone.
Time has become my enemy..that’s the real problem when we go from being a blog reader to a blog owner.
then we have to write our own posts and visit back those who visit us.
It was so nice when I used to just visit blogs, pre my own blog days. Which I sometimes miss..but it’s a ying yang: so much good from having my own place, my own words. And the people I’ve met.
Alexandra recently posted..The One Thing
Yes! I miss the reading so much. Just like I miss sleep and TV time and going to the bathroom in peace. I gave all that up for awesomeness. I miss it though. And I refuse to give up cupcakes. We all know I can’t live without that!
dumb mom recently posted..TGIPinterest Pin This!: Spring
I have seen you around the blogoshpere and maybe even tweeted with you once or twice. I am very very sorry to say that I have never read your writing. That will change now! I could relate to you in almost every single way. I love how you write. It feels so effortless, unhindered and real. Your post was so smooth, easy to read and made me want more. I got into blogging almost…no pretty completely for the same reasons you did and learned the same exact things you did too. Isn’t it just wonderful!! With me though I never liked writing… now I really enjoy expressing myself that way. I am so happy I came her for a visit today. So happy I got to learn about a piece of you! -LV
Kindred Adventures recently posted..Kelly and What She Doesn’t Know
Yeah! I’m so happy you enjoyed it. And, not to ruin the vision, this was actually hard to write. I’m not always super good with expressing my feelings for other humans, particularly when they aren’t related to me, but it felt right here! And, I’m so happy I got it out. I want people to understand what blogging can do for some of us, and why we keep at it even when we’re over-scheduled, overworked, and overtired!
dumb mom recently posted..TGIPinterest Pin This!: Spring
I love this. Perfect for this space. Thank you for sharing today. You made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..How to Be a Zen Mama Book – #giveaway
Yes! Gave someone the warm and fuzzies. I’m not sure I’ve accomplished that before! Thanks for reading!
dumb mom recently posted..TGIPinterest Pin This!: Spring
This was perfect. I love the variation of friends from real life to online. There are people who I’m still friends with from kindergarten that I cherish. And there are friends inside my computer who I love on hard even though I’ve never laid literal eyes on them. Being yourself is hard sometimes, but when you’re comfortable either in person or behind the interwebs, being yourself is still all that really matters. Knowing that you owe it to yourself to be that real person? That’s the best part. Also, I identify with that “knowing” you wanted to write. All the random backroads I took and here I still am, where I should have been originally, but kinda still glad I have some other stories to tell too.
Arnebya recently posted..Negativity Ate My Positivity Then Belched it in My Face for Dramatic Effect
I have one friend that has been in my life since I was 13. I cherish her like I cherish my blood family. She’s my family now too. And sorta so is Roo and some other people I’ve met in the blogosphere that I feel like I can’t be me without!
dumb mom recently posted..TGIPinterest Pin This!: Spring
What a great post. And this line… “Starting my blog helped bring six-year-old me back out to play.” If we all did that (in whatever way–whether it’s writing or painting or coloring outside the lines) the world would be filled with happier people!
Victoria KP recently posted..Fiction Friday: A BLT with a side of Wisdom
I know right! People should listen to themselves when they’re little. Before you start worrying about what everyone else thinks!
dumb mom recently posted..TGIPinterest Pin This!: Spring
I don’t think you could express it any better than this, Amanda. What you wrote about friendship really touched me. Blogging has kept me sane during some of the lowest points in my life, because the friends I’ve made have shown me endless support and acceptance. It really is life-changing.
Awesome post. Truly.
Sweaty recently posted..I’m At The Kitchen
It’s funny but making these blog buds have made me realize how much I missed being and having real friends. It’s reminded me to be less neglectful of the real life ones I have and it’s taught me to work harder to make new ones!
dumb mom recently posted..TGIPinterest Pin This!: Spring
I am not a parent bu I am a big fan of parentin by dummies. Why? Because the real Amanda comes through in every post. When you read the blog you don’t wonder what she is like you wonder about how cool it will be to meet her. I was lucky enough to do just that a blogalicious and the Real Amanda was just as awesome as her blog.
Awwwww, thank you! And I always feel so awkward at blog things because I’m worried about people’s expectations. Liek I don’t want to disappoint people with my normallness. I try to make my blog a good representation of the real me so there’s no confusion that I’m not gonna come into a room via moonwalk or round out a session with a crotch grab. As much as I’d like to:)
dumb mom recently posted..TGIPinterest Pin This!: Spring
Love this Amanda! I love your sass and humour, and I’m so glad you found a way to let that out and do something you always wanted to do.
Robin Farr recently posted..Keeping Secrets
Thanks, Robin! It’s one of those things; I always wanted to do it, but never thought it was really an option. I feel like I owe a lot of its coming to fruition to my family for sure. They’ve inspired me and supported me in ways I couldn’t have even imagined possible!
dumb mom recently posted..TGIPinterest Pin This!: Spring
The friends I’ve met through blogging are some of the most amazing and supportive friends I’ve ever had–and I have a lot of real life friends too.
So glad you are taking care of you too!!