Tonight I sat at my dinner table and looked at the sky. It was a strange mix of dark from passing thunderstorms, and rays of bright sunlight trying to have their last say on the day. I was mesmerized by the reflections, colors, and sounds of thunder bolts moving through the area.
As I sat there, relishing in the moment, I remembered the words of a very special woman that I heard speak during the Type A Parent conference. Patti Digh held the ballroom full of bloggers in her hands as she spoke. Much like the image in the sky had me transfixed.
Her words were simple.
“At some point in your life, you’ll have only thirty-seven days to live. Maybe that day is today. Maybe not.”
She went on to explain how she came to think of life in terms of 37 days, but today, I am going to stay here…with this one sentence. With it’s power and it’s emotion.
Because the idea of having thirty-seven days is part of what makes Just.Be.Enough. so important especially as a parent.
I think about the what if…the what if these were my last 37 days. What would my daughter be left with? What would she remember?
Would she remember the giggling as we walked soaked to the bone through an amusement park, or would she remember my having forgotten to buy chocolate milk for her lunch? Would she remember the stories that we read cuddled together in her bed at night, or would she remember how I kept telling her five more minutes until I could play with her?
The truth is that I am not a perfect parent, nor do I ever expect to be. I am the best parent I can possibly be, or at least I try (on most days). There are some days that I know I am not at my best, and yet, that is the best I can muster in that moment. And you know what? That has to be ok. That has to be enough. I have to hope that there is enough other good that I have done, that those are the things she will remember.
Am I naive enough to think that she won’t remember our arguments over what shoes she could wear or how I pushed her to try to ride her bike without training wheels? No, I know she will remember that too.
But I have to believe in myself as a parent. I have to believe that I have been a positive role model and that if in fact my thirty-seven days come knocking, she would remember and understand. It is about, as Patti Digh says, living each day with intention, with purpose, with love for her, and with love for myself. Because if nothing else, that is what I desperately would want her to do for herself.
About Elena
Good reminder this morning as I just scolded my daughter more harshly than necessary simply because I’m tired and grumpy. I’ve already decided no BlogHer prep is allowed this morning so we can hit the park!
ChiMomWriter recently posted..He’s Just a Boy
Yes, yes, and yes.
It is so easy to forget to enjoy your children and make each day count. What a great reminder and message…
Theresa recently posted..A Bloggy Momma… {Summer Blog Social}
I feel like I need a visual of the number 37 to look at each day to force myself to remember!
Elena recently posted..37 Days
I don’t know if you were serious, but that is a great idea! I am thinking wooden numbers on a shelf or some sort of block graphic in a frame. It WOULD be a good reminder to me on days when my temper is short.
angela recently posted..A Fact, Two Goals, & Some Beads
Your post really hit me in the gut. 37 days… it really put things into perspective. It really is powerful and filled with emotions. Spending time with my daughter, my husband, and my mother… hoping that at the end of those 37 days, they know how much I love them, despite my weaknesses and shortcomings.
A poignant reminder to treasure each and every moment; at the same time, to also be at peace with who you are and your role in the lives of people around you.
A new follower
What a great post!
Sweaty recently posted..I, the Ugly Duckling.
Thank you! So glad it spoke to you . Patti Digh was an amazing speaker–I literally was hanging on to her every word.
Elena recently posted..37 Days
This post is so powerful. Really puts things in prospective.
Angie@MamaInsomnia recently posted..Finding my Niche
Thoughts like this are so hard for me since my son is only three. What would he actually remember? What would my husband tell him about me? How much I loved him no matter what, I think.
Always good to remember that in the tough moments.
Robin recently posted..Summer Blog Social – So You Think You Can Blog
This got me choked up because I always think of what my son would remember about me.
Jackie recently posted..Summer Blog Social: What I would change about my blog
This rings so true for me — at my son’s age, I had already lost my mother, and I’m present to that all the time with him, and how lucky I am to have more time with him than I had with her. You’re right — I remember the fussing and the yelling, but I also remember the things we did together, the time we spent together, things you wouldn’t expect a young child to remember, like the day we went to the department store and tried on wigs and lipstick.
My answer is probably that I’d start writing a book for him while he’s at camp or school, and spend every minute I could with him when he’s not. Leaving him with that core feeling that he is loved and valuable in the world would be my top priority.
This is truly a powerful post and a powerful concept. There are days when I am impatient and tired and just want the day to be over. Would I feel like that if I knew I only had another 36 to enjoy? No. I would breathe in and try to find something funny to laugh at or just get or give a hug and work through it.
angela recently posted..A Fact, Two Goals, & Some Beads