I’m starting to suspect that I might perhaps be bored. Maybe. It’s one of the possibilities, anyway.
I’m either bored or on the cusp of something, and I’m not sure how to tell the difference.
By all rights, I should be happy just doing what I’m doing for now. I have a four-month-old baby and am on mat leave until the fall. I’m going back to a job that I’ve only been in for a year (not even) and that will certainly present enough challenges when I get back to it, so it would seem like this is the perfect time to just do the family thing so this very precious year doesn’t pass me by. And I think that’s where the dilemma lies.
I’m enjoying this time so very much – much more than my first maternity leave. This time around I have two boys at home and a husband too; it is such a beautiful thing it basically takes up all the space on the list when I count my blessings. I’m getting to have the baby experience I wanted the first time while being grateful for the four-year gap so I can truly appreciate the fascinating person my older son is becoming.
But I’m still looking at things and thinking That would be interesting or I’d love to get published there or even just Fun! Because underneath all those thoughts is What if?
What if this “time off” is my only (or best) chance to pursue something?
What if that opportunity that flashes before me in a tweet I just happen to catch is the one I’m supposed to follow up on?
What if I’m approaching a fork in the road of my life and one direction is same-same while the other presents different?
I get bored easily. I’m not a big fan of same-same.
I think the biggest question, though, is Can I do it? And close on its heels is, Do I want to?
These are not easy questions to answer.
As you may have seen, each member of the JBE team has chosen three words to focus on this year. One of mine is Stretch. I want to stretch myself, to challenge myself, to see where I might end up if I follow the paths in front of me.
Another one of my words is Presence. As in be present, a choice largely inspired by this gift of a year I’ve been given.
You can see the conundrum.
So for now I’m taking solace in the words of another dream-chaser. I will search, I will seek, I will act. And I will trust that the right things will trigger my tenacity.