We’re continuing with intro week here on Just.Be.Enough. Yesterday, Jen shared her story about what Just.Be.Enough. means to her.
Today is Kelly’s turn.
We all come with baggage of some kind that has shaped the person we are today at this very moment. Some of us embrace it and learn from it. Some of us take that baggage and believe in it so much we get suffocated by it.
I am no exception.
I come from a broken home as a result of a bitter divorce that happened more than 30 years ago. An event that still musters such emotion from all involved, even though both parents have remarried. It shaped relationships I would have. I was guarded and would not let others get too close for fear they would just leave or cause pain to my feelings.
I began to play sports to escape the loneliness I felt as a teenager. However, sports can play nasty mind games if you let it; I compared myself all the time to the other athletes. They were always better than me. I found my mental game was weak and most times would give up with the thought of “You are just not that good” playing in my head. That was until a coach made me work hard for what I wanted; to make a team. She saw the perseverance hidden deep down and brought it to the surface. She believed in me.
As a young adult, I found I didn’t follow my dreams in college, but took courses that my parents told me I should take. “There is no money in social work or art! You need to be a business major.” My choice was not good enough, so I took business. Never mind that I was the one PAYING my way through school!
Falling in love, getting married, raising a family…all fell on my shoulders of trying to do it “right”. What I soon realized is I was trying to be the best wife I could be (I refused to end up like my parents), the best parent I could be, and the best homemaker I could be. Do any of us match our own set expectations? I felt I wasn’t.
Then cancer came into my life via my spouse and it was at that moment that life as I knew it was redefined. Thankfully the cancer was caught early and treatment has worked, and my husband is now coming up on five years as a survivor. But it was this moment that made me take stock in what I really valued and what was important in my life.
I unpacked all my baggage from years of lugging and said enough. Life is too short to worry about what is truly small stuff. I started to let my guard down and open myself up to new friendships. I still have trust issues, but that is ok. I am aware of it and I work on making it better. I allowed myself to follow my dreams. I am now writing and it makes me happy. I play all my sports without abandon, because I can and if I don’t win, so what? I want to be a role model for my kids, so I try my best to set a good example through my actions.
If I am lucky, I have entered into the last half of my life and do not want to waste any more time with self-doubt or trying to please others. Time has come to really embrace the saying “Live in the moment.” Life is tough enough without beating yourself up all the time. I am going to live each day to the fullest.
Look forward to the future, remember, and cherish what has been. It is what makes up the whole me and allows me to know:
I am enough.
Remember that our Be Enough Me link up starts on Monday, August 15th! Link up with a post about how you have lived the Be Enough Me feeling this week.