We’re continuing with intro week here on Just.Be.Enough. Yesterday, Jen shared her story about what Just.Be.Enough. means to her.
Today is Kelly’s turn.
We all come with baggage of some kind that has shaped the person we are today at this very moment. Some of us embrace it and learn from it. Some of us take that baggage and believe in it so much we get suffocated by it.
I am no exception.
I come from a broken home as a result of a bitter divorce that happened more than 30 years ago. An event that still musters such emotion from all involved, even though both parents have remarried. It shaped relationships I would have. I was guarded and would not let others get too close for fear they would just leave or cause pain to my feelings.
I began to play sports to escape the loneliness I felt as a teenager. However, sports can play nasty mind games if you let it; I compared myself all the time to the other athletes. They were always better than me. I found my mental game was weak and most times would give up with the thought of “You are just not that good” playing in my head. That was until a coach made me work hard for what I wanted; to make a team. She saw the perseverance hidden deep down and brought it to the surface. She believed in me.
As a young adult, I found I didn’t follow my dreams in college, but took courses that my parents told me I should take. “There is no money in social work or art! You need to be a business major.” My choice was not good enough, so I took business. Never mind that I was the one PAYING my way through school!
Falling in love, getting married, raising a family…all fell on my shoulders of trying to do it “right”. What I soon realized is I was trying to be the best wife I could be (I refused to end up like my parents), the best parent I could be, and the best homemaker I could be. Do any of us match our own set expectations? I felt I wasn’t.
Then cancer came into my life via my spouse and it was at that moment that life as I knew it was redefined. Thankfully the cancer was caught early and treatment has worked, and my husband is now coming up on five years as a survivor. But it was this moment that made me take stock in what I really valued and what was important in my life.
I unpacked all my baggage from years of lugging and said enough. Life is too short to worry about what is truly small stuff. I started to let my guard down and open myself up to new friendships. I still have trust issues, but that is ok. I am aware of it and I work on making it better. I allowed myself to follow my dreams. I am now writing and it makes me happy. I play all my sports without abandon, because I can and if I don’t win, so what? I want to be a role model for my kids, so I try my best to set a good example through my actions.
If I am lucky, I have entered into the last half of my life and do not want to waste any more time with self-doubt or trying to please others. Time has come to really embrace the saying “Live in the moment.” Life is tough enough without beating yourself up all the time. I am going to live each day to the fullest.
Look forward to the future, remember, and cherish what has been. It is what makes up the whole me and allows me to know:
I am enough.
xo
Kelly
Remember that our Be Enough Me link up starts on Monday, August 15th! Link up with a post about how you have lived the Be Enough Me feeling this week.
Kelly, you know I find you so inspiring (having found you after you ran that marathon recently), and I’m so glad you shod the baggage and came into yourself. You make me want to be better, really.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..#BlogBoycottDay
Alison, thank you so much for your supportive words. It was hard growing up between bitter, fighting parents, but somehow my brother & I came through with solid marriages to our spouses.
Everything in life is a choice.
Have you started running yet?
Kelly recently posted..Family Brings Meaning to My Life
Great post Kelly. I think we all have some sort of baggage that we carry around with us. It is a truly liberating feeling to just let it all go and “be”. I wonder if it counts as baggage that I spend too much time worrying about what kind of baggage I am saddling my children with.
Heather, I can’t imagine you saddling your kids with any baggage! You are a fantastic mom who, with your husband are raising happy, healthy children.
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
Good for you for letting go of the baggage. I know it can be hard, but once you do, you feel so free and enjoy everything so much more.
You are so right, Jackie! It is hard sometimes though…when talking to my mom or my dad and they mention the other, I can feel the pit in my stomach and the breath catch in my throat wondering what words will come. After all this time, they are still so bitter…I just don’t get it.
After turning 40, I decided I just don’t have the time or energy to feed that fire. So I walked away from it.
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
Kelly – I must admit the term “broken home” causes much anxiety for me. It is my biggest fear that my divorce will cause relationship issues for my kids. I hate hearing “broken home”. My situation was not bitter and ugly before, during or after the divorce, so I hang on to the hope that my kids will be alright. I wish they still had their mom and dad loving eachother and living under the same roof, but it just wasn’t possible. Yes, we (ex and I) had our moments, but no different than “normal” married couples do. I try so hard to keep my kids grounded and show they that although their parents are divorced, we are still very respective of one another. I am glad to read that you have been able to release some of the weight on your shoulders!
Barb, I would not worry in the slightest. Honestly and truly. You have surrounded your children with love and respect and even though they now have divorced parents, you have shown them that sometimes, marriages don’t work. You have shown them that adults can act like mature individuals and keep the happiness of their children in focus.
Your kids are very lucky to have such loving parents.
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
Yes! Drop that baggage – it’s just too heavy and you don’t deserve that. Amazing how the things that happen to us in early youth can really affect our lives – especially if things were less than perfect (and really, that’s pretty much everyone). So we feel that we need to be perfect to make up for it. But there’s no such thing, is there? Just being enough is, well, enough!
Mrs. Jen B recently posted..Simply Scandinavian
Thank you Jen! Yes, the baggage was getting pretty cumbersome. I’m so much happier ditching it!!
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
Another great inspiring post! What an accomplishment to be able to finally unpack that baggage not keep dragging it around with you.
It sounds like you are an awesome roll model for your kids . . . hell it sounds like you are just plain awesome!
Jenn@Fox in the City recently posted..Rambling On
Thank you Jenn!! I try to be…I just know what I do NOT want to be for my kids….and that I learned a long time ago.
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
Oh my this is starkly poignant. I love how aware you are of your moment and how direct you are in your reminder to simply live, sans luggage. Beautiful post, friend.
Galit Breen recently posted..Bringing the Sexy to Your #Writing
Thank you Galit, so much! It took some time for me to see, but let me tell you, when I did? I saw pretty clearly.
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
Can’t see the keys through the blur of the tears.
Heart searing honesty.
Such beautiful words that show me this woman gets what it means to be on the planet.
How did you get this way????
Alexandra recently posted..Back To Life, Back To Reality
Oh, my dear sweet friend!
It took a long time for me to get past the feelings of my parents and realize it was THEIR feelings, not MINE…and that my brother and I were just stuck in the middle.
I vowed to not raise my family in a household like that….to make sure I told my kids I loved them every day, to accept and give hugs and kisses to my husband at the sink or on the way out the door- to show we really do love eachother…
I never heard that growing up. So it was important to make it happen in my life for my kids.
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
Cross-country hugs for you, girl. This is a beautiful piece, and I am so thankful to have met you! It takes incredible strength and self-awareness to be able to put aside family struggles that were at the core of your childhood. Your children are lucky to have a mother who understands the value of family and how to embrace the moment that you’re in. xoxo
ChiMomWriter recently posted..A Little Healthy Competition?
Thank you so very much Tracy!!
I am so, so happy that we shared some quality time together!!
You are so right- I try very hard to create a home that I did not…and I think that I have.
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
I love what you ladies are doing here. It’s beautiful. And yes, you are enough! Just the way you are.
Thanks Natalie! I am in awe of the pure talent that is here….and the words that are shared. Amazing!
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
The baggage we carry with us from our childhoods is particularly heavy. I’m so glad you’ve been able to set yours down!
Funny how we always come back to the little things, and you’ve described why that’s important so beautifully!
Robin recently posted..On High Standards and Hating Myself
Robin, your words mean so much! Thank you!
It was a very healing moment to brush my hands together and say “Enough.”
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
Oh Kelly! Truly remarkable. Those are heavy suitcases filled with lots of little itty bitty pieces of stuff…and putting that all away is one of the hardest things to do. I sometimes forget about some of my baggage, until of course, it is staring me in the face. Sometimes I am good at ignoring it, or naming it, or putting it aside, and other times, not so much. Must be better if I want to truly be enough. xo
It is a process….years in the making. But, glad that I have moved on. It is better….way better this way!
xoxo
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
I love that you see all that you lived thro as the stepping stones to all that you now live for!
Much love to you sweet friend!
YES!! You are so right Nicole!! I have definitely learned and used to find my path to a happier, healthier life!
xoxo
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
I love this post, and I am so glad you are letting go of the baggage and living in the moment. Your spirit is so beautiful and sincere. I know this is a crazy thing to say, since I’ve never even met you in person, but there is such joy in your eyes, even in photographs.
xoxo
angela recently posted..Empty Drawer
You are so kind!!! Thank you! I hope we meet someday, and it better be soon!!!
Living in the moment is very liberating.
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
It can be very hard to let go of the past. I am sorry that your husband had to go through cancer, that must have been very difficult. I’m so glad to hear that he’s ok. Sometimes the most difficult moments in life provide the wake up calls. Good for you for following your dreams.
Yes, it can be difficult, but I am glad I have taken the steps to do so.
Thank you for the kind words for my husband. It was difficult and even though all signs stear toward being clear, we will never rid of the cloud. But that is ok…it makes us keep things in perspective….always.
kelly recently posted..Be in the Moment of Conversations
[...] By Jackie Leave a Comment We’re continuing with intro week here on Just.Be.Enough. Yesterday, Kelly shared her story about what Just.Be.Enough. means to [...]
Kelly, I love this and love you. You are enough, and I’m glad that you opened yourseld up to friends – ME!
Thank you for linking this is your most recent post, your transparency here is very brave, and I loved getting to know more about you.
Frelle recently posted..Relocation and Rebranding
Thank you! It is part of my past and part of what has made up me…so…I need to be honest about it!