Five days in Haiti. Many introductions of who I am, what I do, what is important to me. Building capacity became a mantra for our trip, for what is important in my life, and in what I saw as my eyes met the faces of the artisans, women, men, and children I met each day. I was told I had a gift…the gift of not being afraid to feel. I was told that my story resonated with others.
But…I was also told that I needed to drink the Just.Be.Enough. “juice” myself during a moment where I felt everything BUT enough.
We were in Jacmel, a seaside town home to artists who create stunning papier mache pieces. Artists who want nothing more than to learn to produce their treasures more efficiently. Artists who want to to make a sustainable living for themselves and their families. Artists who want to send their children to school, despite the high cost of private school.
Our hotel was high up on a cliff, with a path of stairs leading down to a water’s edge that in the early morning was filled with boats and men heading out to fish. We simply had to explore this landscape, to breathe it all in, such a contrast to the busy city of Port au Prince where people crowded the streets in every direction.
So we went. Down, down, down. We took in the spray of the sea against the rocks. We looked for shells as a reminder of where we were. But then it was time to go back up.
Those stairs were long. And my no-longer-fit body struggled. Sweat dripped down my neck and my breathing pattern changed. No longer was I the triathlete or runner who could run a half marathon or hike a rugged path. I felt weak. I felt sad.
Later, while breakfasting at the stunning home of Pascale Faublas, a renowned artist whose artistry and chic style ooze out of everything she touches, a picture was taken of me laughing. A picture taken by the hands of world-class, widely published, highly gifted photographer Swoan Parker.
To her, the picture spoke of joy, of happiness. To me, all I saw was the weak woman who could barely climb the steps. I wanted to see the joy she saw. I wanted to believe in the moment of laughter she so skillfully caught on camera. But instead, I cried.
Which is when a very wise member of our group said, “You need to drink some Just.Be.Enough. juice.”
She was right of course. Here I was, on the trip of a lifetime, meeting people whose faces and hands spoke of resilience and survival despite a tragic natural disaster. A trip where every single interaction with an artist, child, man, or woman took my breath away due to the sheer depth of passion and thirst for independence that shone through their expressions.
I may not be as fit as I once was. I may not be as strong as I once was. But, in these five days, I was able to be a part of something simply magical. Something that will live on in our hearts and minds, and in our actions as we prepare for a long-term commitment to being a part of sustainable growth in Haiti.
My moment of insecurity and weakness is a bit embarrassing compared to what has happened in Haiti. But it is also who I am. And if I learned nothing else from the many faces I met during the trip, I learned we need to be proud of who we are. We need to believe in hope. Resiliency. Dreams. We need to believe in a future filled with possibilities.
xo
Elena
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Sometimes we all need someone else to point out that we missed our “juice.” I know I do on occasion!
P.S. Your trip sounds like it was amazing. Welcome back!
Kate Fineske (@katefineske) recently posted..The Forbidden Question
Thanks so much! And you are so right–sometimes it is hard for us to see what others see.
What a beautiful experience, and what a beautiful picture. I love it, too.
michelle @ this little light recently posted..Camera Shy
I’m glad someone reminded you! It can be hard not to focus on the parts of ourselves that feel not enough, but there are so many parts to ourselves and so much we can offer people.
And the picture of you laughing? It’s gorgeous Elena. Truly.
Thanks Angela. Swoan has a gift.
that picture of you that I looked at BEFORE I read the post was so happy and made me almost laugh out loud with you…I could feel the joy and hear the giggle…and I loved it.
I hate that the mirror and the camera tends to lie to us sometimes…that they show us things that make us sad even as we see a smile…the hyprocrisy of it is unfair.
But….what you were doing in Haiti was “Drinking the juice”…..we have this space BECAUSE OF YOU. Never forget how formidable and life changing you have been FOR US.
xoxo
Kir recently posted..“Scooped” Up!
I just gotta agree with Kir!
Just Jennifer recently posted..My Husband is Enough
Thanks both of you– it was an experience that changed me. I have not been able to get it out of my mind for any length of time since being back.
I saw that laughing picture when you posted it on Facebook and I love it. It’s so full of life. Just perfect and pure. I’m so glad someone helped you find your juice. Can you send me some? I’m badly in need of a double shot.
Robin Farr recently posted..A Successful Ski Trip
ooh— maybe we should bottle up the juice, and sell it!
I have chills reading this. You just did an amazing thing and are sharing it in this amazing space YOU’VE created. I’m so proud and honored to be a part of it.
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..Expert Advice on Long Term Marital Bliss
This sounds like an amazing trip!
I love the picture of you laughing. I hope one day you too will see joy in that picture because it must hold some of the magic from your trip.
Tania Elfersy (@PurpleLeavesRed) recently posted..Banish Mom Guilt
It happens to women every day.
We feed our children, but forget to eat ourselves.
We get their school clothes ready the night before, then pull a pair of yoga pants from the hamper for us.
We remind others to be strong, and confident, and loving, then forget to apply those standards to ourselves.
Because we’re women.
Lisha recently posted..Saying Goodbye to Small, Medium, and Large
Elena,
I totally get where you are coming from. Every time I go out for a run (or don’t) I feel my body not doing the things I want it to be able to do. Why? It is busy making a person. But, I’m not used to sharing my body. Its job has always been to serve me. I complain to my husband that I feel fat (which I have learned is the word I use for unfit) and he reminds me that right now, this is enough. Moving is enough. A three miles run/walk is enough.
Don’t forget, your body is busy too. It is busy getting healthy and right now, what it can do is enough. Be thankful your body can walk those stairs, even if it leaves you breathless and sweaty. Be thankful it can run a 5k, no matter the speed. There are plenty of people out there who would trade places with you.
I sometimes have to remind myself that it is easy to get caught up in what we want to be or used to be that we forget to be thankful for who we are right now. I guess, that is the same as just being enough?
C
Thank you sweet Courtney—-so very much. yes, that is the same as just being enough.
xo
The gift of not being afraid to feel…love that. And I’ve been blessed with it too.
MaryLauren@My3LittleBirds recently posted..What it Means to be a Work at Home Mom
It never fails to amaze me how in others we focus on the positive and all they do and focus on and are and can be. Yet for ourselves, it’s always the negative and the places where we think we fell short. While that isn’t always bad – it definitely drives us to do better – it’s something we need to limit far more than what we do.
That said, your trip sounds amazing. You did amazing things and are sharing amazing stories. And that photo is pure joy. Live your joy!
Michelle recently posted..Dear Brother: Little Notes From Little Miss
What a lovely post. And the juice? Just what we all need. Send some this way!
Natalie @ Mama Track recently posted..Just a Number
This post was beautiful. That picture of you is pure beauty. I’m so glad you shared this.
Amanda recently posted..Love story
yes. It is quite often that it takes someone else to show us just exactly how good we really are. Thank you for this post.
The Drama Mama recently posted..To Be or Not To Be Enough…Mom
Ah, such a beautiful photo and expression of truth and self-love. Uplifting, and relatable. Your battles are your own, not to be compared with others. But sometimes empathy for others helps us to let go . . . Thank you for sharing this.
Kimberly recently posted..Save It for Later Saturday: Teens on Google+, Early Ed, and Picnik
Dear Elena, thank you for being you, because despite your moments of weakness, you ARE living the Just Be Enough principles, and you have touched so many lives with your message and how you carry yourself.
When I saw that picture of yours, I too, saw a beautiful, spirited, courageous woman who loves life and has a big enough heart to spread some goodness to others’ lives.
Sweaty recently posted..Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire…
You are a pretty amazing woman! So glad I got to share this trip with you. I tried to go to the beach as well but gave up when I went all the way down the stairs and found it locked. I think I went the wrong way. I didn’t know you were feeling down that morning. Big hugs to you!
Justice Jonesie recently posted..Comment on The Strength of Haitian Women by Britton
Thanks Nadia. It was definitely worth the trek. I blame my crazy hormones in part for my feelings that morning, but it was definitely a wake up call for me–and sweet Kelly was so perfect when she told me I needed to drink some of my Just Be Enough juice!